Rituals

There are many kinds of rituals which can be included to your ceremony for their symoblic value of expressing that the two of you are now united. The most common is the Unity Candle, in which three candles are placed on the altar or pedestal, a large one in the center with two tapers on the sides. Tradition suggests that the mothers light the outer candles at the time they are seated. After the vows, generally, the bride and groom each take a taper and light the center candle, then blow out the side candles and replace them on the altar. This is a lovely ritual, very meaningful, with the flame representing the life force of the couple. However, this is not practical for those who are choosing to marry out of doors, as the air currents, even on a very calm day, will put out the flames, stealing away the pageantry and romance of the ritual. So for outdoor weddings, I suggest the Sands of Unity.

This ritual serves well if it is only the bride and groom participating, but many blended families enjoy allowing the children to take part in this ritual as well. It goes like this: each person has a separate color of sand (to be found at a local hobby shop). There is a decorative vase in the center which should be able to be closed with a cork, lid, or other stopper. At the appointed time, everyone steps forward, takes his or her sand (which can be placed into pretty containers also, or put in open bowls with scallop shells to sift the sand into the container, however you wish to do it) and pours it into the decorative container, allowing the sand to blend and fill as it will. This symbolizes the value of each person's contribution to the family as a whole, such that each person fills the empty spaces left by the others. At the end, there is a beautiful keepsake that will last for the rest of their lives.

Tying of the Hands can involve merely tying ribbons around the hands of the bride and groom to signify their union, or it can include a narrative which asks each partner to recognize the beauty and value of the service of the other. This is lovely in any kind of ceremony, but is most common in Handfastings with the Pagan community.

There are many types of flower ceremonies. Flowers may be given to the parents as thank you gifts for their love and support over the years. Flowers may be placed on an empty seat in recognition of a loved one who has passed, but is watching the ceremony from above. Flowers may also be exchanged as the first gift between husband and wife, also to be recognized as a peace offering at any point through their marriage in which they are facing difficulties, to let the other know that the love is still strong between them. And last, flowers may be used as a Unity Ceremony, by taking petals from two different colors of flowers, and combining them in a single vase. This is beautiful, but is not a lasting memorial.

The Wine Ceremony has the couple pouring a glass of wine for each other, and then toasting their new marriage. This may come a little later, often after their first kiss. It may be accompanied by a Bread Ceremony in which a small loaf of bread is placed on the altar, and they each offer the other a bite of bread, to show the growth and welcoming of the other to the home. In some cultures, the bread is baked by the bride and presented for eating to her mother-in-law.

The Tea Ceremony is common in Asian traditions. Tea is prepared in advance and when the bride is presented, both couples' parents come to the front and are served tea by the bride and groom to signify good relations and hospitality.

Planting a tree or flower is something a little more permanent, but is done more and more when the wedding takes place in the garden of the home where the couple will live. Sometimes, there are seeds/bulbs passed down from one generation to the next, or the sapling may be a cutting from a parental tree. In any case, there is a great deal of continuity and dedication as the couple plants the flower or tree, waters it and focuses their intention that the plant bring strength and longevity to their relationship.

There are other ceremonies to be performed after the ceremony, including a money ceremony. Prior to the ceremony, the spare change of the guests is collected by the groom's mother. After all of the guests have congratulated the new couple, the groom's mother pours all of the coins onto the floor. The bride and groom must then collect all of the money, which symbolically, is a blessing for the purchase of their new home.