Marriage Counseling, Part 4: Faults and Blame

When we are first involved in a loving relationship, we don’t like to think about the fights and disagreements that we are going to have.  They are inevitable.  They will happen, just because no two people see things in exactly the same way.  So whether the disagreements are about which team to cheer for, or whether it makes a difference about how to spend the tax return check, there are going to be disagreements.  The big challenge is how you deal with those disagreements.

Sometimes it is simplest, if there is not much at stake and you can do your own thing, to simply decide that you agree to disagree.  This way, no one has to take the blame or be wrong.  Opinions are not necessarily right or wrong, anyway.  They are just different.  For example, the pronunciation of potato is not going to make or break your marriage.  Agree to disagree and let it go. Choose your battles wisely.

Bigger things, such as whether to buy a house, depending upon the neighborhood, the cost of the property, and so forth, will take greater negotiation.  You will need to take into consideration your preference for the style of the home, its location, cost, space, and whether you can comfortably afford it.  You may have to talk about decoration and what you envision once you are living there.  Doing this in advance saves arguments later.

All of these things require good communication and if you have a strong foundation of expressing your opinions and desires without the other being critical, it can smooth the way for harmonious relations all the way through your marriage.  Keeping a cool head while sharing what your heart says to you, you will do well.