Why a Professional Officiant?

While a wedding ceremony is not a theatrical performance, there are many elements that are the same.  You are spending a great deal of money for the right venue, for the gowns and tuxes, the food, decor, etc., so why not hire a professional officiant who will be able to guide you through the various aspects of the ceremony and avoid problems that may otherwise manifest.

You may have settled on a perfect venue and have hired vendors for photography, musicians or DJs, caterer, bakery, flowers and decorators.  If you wish to hire a wedding planner to take care of the details of your wedding, you may find it less challenging, but a professional officiant is capable of helping you plan the greater portion of the wedding as well. 

You can expect your officiant to go through the details of the ceremony with you, including the music, readings, vows, wedding party and special rituals, including such things as dove releases, flower exchange, Unity ceremony, handfasting, jumping the broom, and so forth.  The officiant can help you organize the entire ceremony, create a schedule of events, as well as perform the wedding.  A friend or relative, who might be honored to marry you and your spouse, does not have the training to organize all of these things.  While it may save you a small amount of money, your ceremony will not be as it might otherwise be.

A professional wedding officiant may cost a little more, but they are worth every penny.

Avoiding Meltdowns

The day of the wedding ceremony is fraught with nerves, headaches, and confusion.  There are many things that can go wrong, but the important thing is to avoid a meltdown for the bride and groom.  With a little luck and a good officiant, the wedding can be salvaged and be remembered for years to come as a beautiful event, near and dear to the heart.

Let’s take a look at some of the things that might go wrong.  First, the Marriage License can be lost, left behind at the hotel, have coffee spilled on it, or be accidentally torn.  Plan ahead by giving the license to someone who will take responsibility for it, such as the maid of honor or best man, a parent, or a wedding planner. This person will be responsible for making sure it gets packed with items to go to the location of the ceremony, making sure it is transported to the site, and perhaps wrapping it in plastic report cover to prevent damage from spills or tears, and most importantly, delivering the license to the officiant prior to the ceremony.

Another disastrous thing that can happen is having the wedding cake ruined.  This can happen in transport.  The cake may fall, melt, be dropped, not be what was ordered, etc.  The solution to this is a little more difficult.  If possible, have the bakery deliver the cake to your location.  They have to tools to protect the cake from most of these problems.  If the cake comes in sections, they will be able to set it up to its best.  If your baker doesn’t deliver, allow extra time so that the cake doesn’t get bounced around in transport by having to hurry through traffic.  Upon arrival, use a kitchen cart to move the cake into the hall.  If there is a melting problem, smoothing the icing with a spatula should help repair the situation.

Flowers are commonly delivered by the florist, and they will often help distribute the bouquets and boutonnieres to the wedding party.  The problem here is if they droop in the heat of summer, or if the tapes holding things together slide off.  This isn’t a common problem, but it is a possibility.  If necessary, store the flowers in a refrigerator to keep them fresh.

Clothing can become a headache as well.  Perhaps someone’s tux doesn’t fit.  Or, perhaps the bridesmaids gowns are too tight.  Worst of all, the bridal gown may tear or pop a button.  The latter problem can be helped with a needle and thread, so long as this is packed into a “go bag” where all of the last minute needs are stored.  The fitting of the tuxes and bridesmaids gowns can be taken care of if everyone is fitted a week or so before the ceremony.  Then, make sure that each person does, in fact, have the clothing that is meant for them.

Now it is a matter of making sure all of the people that have been invited are on time.  Depending upon the size of the guest list, it may or may not be important that the guests, and a special guest in particular, arrive on time.  It isn’t practical to phone everyone and remind them to be on time, but if there is someone you absolutely want to be there for the ceremony, a well-timed phone call can help them remember what time they should arrive.  Ten minutes before the ceremony is a good rule of thumb.

Last, it’s raining on your well-planned ceremony.  Not to worry.  Paperwork can be slipped into plastic report covers so that the ink doesn’t run, someone can be asked to hold umbrellas over the wedding party if the rain is falling very hard, or, if the rain is a temporary thing, it’s probably okay to wait a little while.  But remember, rain on the wedding day is a good omen.

If you can avoid these pitfalls, there is no reason for a meltdown and heartfelt memories shall abound.

Do's and Don'ts for Your Wedding

Most all of us know that there are some things that we should or shouldn’t do with regard to a wedding ceremony and the associated events that support that being smoothly performed.  It’s nice to review a few things, however, as forgetting these can create an uncomfortable situation for the entire wedding party.

Do’s:

1. Take the ceremony seriously.  All of the professionals will be most appreciative.
2. Be on time to the rehearsals, ceremony and every function involved in preparation for the ceremony.  Make sure that all participants have been informed of the time each event is starting. If someone must be late or is unable to attend, let the officiant know as soon as possible.
3. Let the officiant know of any changes to the ceremony as soon as possible.  This is one of the benefits of having an officiant-led rehearsal. It’s okay to stop the rehearsal for a rewrite, but not so good to have an awkward silence during the ceremony.  If you are adding a Unity Candle, for example, be sure to inform the officiant. Likewise if you are removing a part of the ceremony. The wedding will run so much smoother and there will be no embarrassing moments.
4. Do introduce the officiant to the members of the bridal party, particularly the two witnesses who are responsible for signing the marriage license.  It makes it much easier when the time comes to sign.
5. Let the best man and maid of honor help with the flowers, rings and train of the bridal gown.  That’s what they’re receiving special honors for.

Don’ts:

1. Save celebrating for after the ceremony is over.  There is little else that disrupt the ceremony more than an intoxicated bridal party.
2. Don’t give someone a job to do, then change your mind and assign someone else.  This will confuse everyone, including the officiant. You can make changes, but do so at the rehearsal.  That’s what it’s for. Be sure to specify what you expect of children and parents, as well.
3. Don’t look at the officiant while reciting or repeating your vows.  You’re marrying your partner, not the officiant.
4. Don’t carry on a conversation with someone in the congregation.  Being relaxed is one thing, but chattering on is just rude.
5. Don’t chew gum or tobacco during the ceremony.

Mostly, it is important to focus on the business at hand.  Everyone will enjoy themselves all the more and your ceremony will be one you can remember, in a good way, forever.

Destination Weddings

The popularity of weddings at a distance is increasing.  It is a way to combine the honeymoon with the wedding, and for at least part of the celebration, to bring your friends along.  Many couples prefer to have the simplicity of a charming wedding at a meaningful location, then throw a big party for the reception on their return.

Begin by deciding where you would like to have your wedding.  This is not just a matter of venue, as if you intend to have your ceremony locally.  It is a matter of what country, or island, or city, for example: Las Vegas or Maui or Italy.  Once you have decided upon the location, you will want to visit a travel agency (particularly if you want to be married overseas) to find out the cost, possible accommodations, and perhaps, if they have any specials or any package deals.  This will give you a framework to start with, as well as providing you with date options.  It’s important to be flexible about travel plans, because there may be certain dates that are booked.

Next, you will want to check into possible venues.  If you have gotten lucky and have found an acceptable package deal, this much is taken care of for you.  Otherwise, you will need to start from scratch, searching the web to find out what venues may be available in the locale you prefer.  Many cities have a website that offers connections to businesses in their area, but you will need to do a little research in order to find just what you’re looking for.

You will need to have hotel accommodations if you wish to stay overnight.  If you are choosing a cruise for your destination, this is already covered.  You will merely have to have your guests book the cruise as well.  Also, guests will need to make arrangements for hotel or, if you are paying their way, you may want to book a block of rooms for the duration.

The ceremony itself may be fairly easy to plan.  If you are going on a cruise, you can often make arrangements for the captain of the ship to perform the ceremony.  You may want your own officiant, so long as you pay for his or her accommodations.  If you are going to a remote location, you may need to do some digging to find out if there is a clergyman or officer who can perform the wedding.  Of course, places like Las Vegas have many wedding chapels which suit a variety of preferences.

Some couples report that they save a great deal of money by having their wedding at a special place, but this depends on what the budget allows and how long your stay.

What You Must Have in Your Ceremony

Your wedding ceremony is a presentation which contains all of the legal requirements that transform a couple of single individuals into a married couple.  The language therein is arranged with all of the necessary wording to accomplish that fact. When it comes down to it, there is little that must be said, and a lot that makes the money you spent on your ceremony worthwhile.  You will want your ceremony to reflect your feelings and express who you are as a couple. The ceremony script should express how you feel, but also, include nothing that you feel is irrelevant. It is important that you communicate this to your officiant.

What, then, is a required part of the ceremony, and what is for appearances?  Let’s run through the ceremony skeleton and see what we can find.

The first segment is the Prelude.  This is, generally, the music that is played while guests are being seated.  It is entirely optional and fairly difficult without a large sound system, if your ceremony is to be out or doors.

Next is the Processional.  This is also music, but it is played while the wedding party is approaching the area where they will stand for the rest of the ceremony, i.e. the front of the church, a stage, the water’s edge if near a lake, etc.  Even if you have no Prelude, a Processional is nice to have, but it, too, is not a required part of the ceremony.

The Convocation is the third part of the ceremony.  This is where the officiant or a designated individual introduces bride and groom, welcomes your guests and/or invites them to witness the union.  This is usually brief, often stated in traditional ceremonies as, “Dearly Beloved…etc.”  This too is optional.

The Invocation is next.  It may be a religious prayer or a secular wish of goodwill toward the bride and groom.  It is not legally required, but its presence may nicely set the tone for the rest of the ceremony.

Following the Invocation is the Dedication.  This is the part where the Officiant asks, “Who gives this woman to be married?” for example.  Again, this is completely optional, particularly if the bride has not chosen to be escorted up the aisle.

At this point comes what I think of as the entertainment portion of the ceremony.  It includes the Address, which involves a message that can include how the bride and groom have come together, what they think about each other, and advice that may seem appropriate.  This would be the section of the ceremony in which there might be passages of scripture, poems, literary readings and music. This part should be long enough to be interesting and entertaining, yet short enough so that your guests won’t fall asleep.  This, too, is optional.

Now we come to the required parts of the ceremony.  There is the Expression of Intent. This is merely a statement, such as, “Have you come here for the purpose of marriage?”  Both parties answer in unison, “We do,” or something similar.

If the couple wish to share personal messages with each other, this is a nice spot for them to do so.

Once that is done, the Officiant may say the Consecration.  Not required, it is a form of blessing. Some people like to say one of several Old Irish Blessings.

Next come the Vows.  While it may be as simple as, “Do you, (name), take (name), to be your wedded wife/husband” followed by, “I do,” they can also be poetic and lengthy.  These are required.

Following the Vows, some couples like to have more entertainment, such as music, another reading, or a Unity Ceremony, which can involve flowers, water, sand, candles, hand tying, or planting a flower bulb, a tree, or other symbolic ceremony.  All of this is optional, but ideally represents the couple’s feelings.

Next comes the Blessing of the Rings, which is also optional and can be either religious or secular, simple or poetic.  It precedes the Exchange of the Rings, in which the bride and groom place their rings on each other’s fingers. This can be done with or without vows, such as, “With this ring, I thee wed.”

Immediately following is the Pronouncement of the couple as husband and wife.  This is required.

Some couples like to save the signing of the Marriage License for this part of the ceremony, but it can also be signed following the end. It should be noted that there must be two witnesses of legal age to sign the license. This is a legal requirement.

Most couples like to seal their vows with a kiss at this point.  After that, the Officiant may introduce the couple to their guests as Mr. and Mrs. (names) followed by the Benediction, which is another blessing.  All of these parts are optional as well.

The couple goes out of the church/etc. during the Recessional, often followed by a Receiving Line, in which the bridal party and relatives receive the well-wishes the guests.  Some will do this immediately after the wedding, while others like to save this for the reception/party afterward.

It is important for a couple to choose the parts of the ceremony which reflect their feelings and to advocate for themselves with the professionals who will make the ceremony special for their wedding day.  A good Officiant will guide you through the script and create a memorable ceremony that you can remember for the rest of your lives.

Postponements

What happens when something falls through the cracks and you actually have to postpone your wedding ceremony?   For example, say, the weather prevents travel if someone is coming from a distance and plays an integral part in the wedding.  Or, Heaven forbid, there is a death in the family and you are too bereaved to carry on.  Or bride or groom is seriously ill, or called away to the Armed Forces, or any other of a number of possibilities.  What happens and what do you do?

First, contact your vendors right away, explain and see if you can reschedule at a better time.  Use your best judgment in setting a date that will allow you to avoid or compensate for the initial problem.  Most professionals will be understanding of such unavoidable delays, and may give you a portion of your fees in return if they cannot reschedule you.  You probably won’t be able to get all of your fees back, as there are expenses for the professionals as well, but they will likely offset some of your losses.

You are probably, however, going to have to deal with the loss of fees from the venue and your caterer (sometimes the same company), unless they happen to have a waiting list that is tentative enough to fill your spot.  Again, you may see a portion of your fees refunded, but probably not the entire amount. 

Your decorations and dry goods investments can certainly be saved and used for later unless by some bizarre twist of fate, you have already decorated a church or hall when the crisis occurs.  Even at that, you can still pack decorations away in boxes, most carefully, and reuse them when the ceremony can take place.  Take care not to flatten fragile items and you should be ready to go.  Live plants can be kept for later as well, so your entire investment is not lost.

Just a reminder, also, your Marriage License may have to be reviewed.  Most are good for thirty days following application, so if you must postpone, check to make sure you have not got an expired license.  If so, go to the County Clerk’s office and ask for a new one.    

The greatest challenge in postponement is loss of your investment, but with careful planning and cooperative professionals, not all of the investment will be lost.

What Are You Celebrating?

When a couple comes together for the purpose of marriage, there is always the question of how big a splash to make.  Some couples prefer something quiet, private, in which they can take care of the legal necessity of joining their lives, while others want to make as big a production with a great deal of fanfare to announce to the world that they are married, something that creates a beautiful memory of a day that seems more like a fantasy that reality.

As an officiant, it is my job to help you realize either one, whatever your hearts desire.  It is my job to find the right words, set the stage and express to your guests, however many you may have, that this day is special, that the two of you are now one voice, one heart, one life. 

Because everyone is different, your job is to let your officiant know what you envision as the perfect ceremony.  What rituals do you want as part of your ceremony?  Do you want special music, poetry, a tribute to someone special, memorials to those in the family who have passed, but are watching you from above? 

There are a lot of things that you can do to create a forum to have said what you want to do and say.  This ceremony will mark a transition from one stage of life to another, even if you, as a couple, have been together for years.  A wedding speaks volumes in that it can show your guests the story of your evolution from a single, solitary person, to a supportive, loving couple.  It can say what you feel, why you feel it, and why it is important and special to you, the couple.

Therefore, dream!  Envision what your perfect day is going to be.  If you are setting free balloons, or homing pigeons, or lighting a Unity Candle—whatever reflects your personal desires or style—make it your own and say what you will to celebrate who the two of you are as a couple and light the path ahead to where you want to go.

Release Rituals

One of the lovelier rituals performed at weddings are the release rituals, in which doves or balloons are released to represent the freedom of the love between a couple.  There is a new twist on these two exercises, as only the creative minds of the ingenious and culturally inspired can develop.  One ritual, borrowed from the Orient, is the release of floating lanterns, which are miniature hot air balloons with an incendiary device which lifts the lantern up into the sky.  The second is helium-filled, dove-shaped balloons which are biodegradable for the ecology-minded, yet allow for a lovely display similar to the live release of doves. 

Both of these releases create a dramatic and beautiful image that will stay with you and your guests for a long time.  The cost for either is nominal, but with the right narration, can be especially meaningful.  The lanterns are available in many different colors, including a package of several colors.  The dove-shaped balloons are white.  This link will connect you with a vendor who sells these items.

http://www.skylanterns.us

While these rituals are just beginning to become popular, they are not widely known and practiced.  Both are well-suited to outdoor weddings, and the lanterns are much more dramatic at night, when the lights shine as they rise.  If you wish to have a dramatic flair, I highly recommend these rituals.

Narrative for the release of the doves might be something as simple as, "to symbolize the freedom of the expression of Bride and Groom's love, they release these doves."  Of course, you can get as poetic as you wish, adding more to enhance the drama, but the imagery is of paramount significance.

Marriage Counseling, Part 4: Shared Vision

One of the biggest challenges in married life is the prioritizing of expenditures and the saving of money.  If there are not sufficient funds to pay the bills, if there is an illness that reduces income significantly, the loss of a job for no apparent reason, all of these things can disrupt an otherwise smoothly-flowing marriage.  The cure to these problems is having a shared vision of what you want your future to look like.  If the two of you know where you’re going, what you want in the way of life’s journey, a home, family, the type of occupation, and the recreational aspects of your lives, it can go a long way to helping you to adjust when the vision is disrupted for whatever reason.

Like all aspects of married life, being able to talk about what you want in life is of the greatest importance.  Before you get to the point of committing to each other, you need to come to an agreement about where you want your marriage to go.  Where will you live, both geographically and socially?  Do you want a large house with all sorts of luxuries?  Or are you more inclined to have an ecologically-based small home with nooks and crannies for organizing life on a small scale?  Do you want to live in the city or the country?  What kinds of vehicles do you want?  Children?  How many?  How do you prepare if a child has special needs?  Do you want pets?  What kind of hobbies or crafts would you like to pursue?  What does a typical day look like in your perfect lifestyle?  Try to envision exactly what you would like your life to be like.  Share your views with your partner.  Write a couple of pages about it or draw the images that are most important to you.

Having a shared vision, an idea of an endpoint for your marriage, can help smooth out the wrinkles that life challenges can place in your way.  Once you create your ideal roadmap, it is a simple matter to develop a Plan B, which includes your options when things don’t go according to your regular plans.  Give it some serious thought and have a strategy to put into place, including things like additional education when career changes come, specialized day care for special needs children, a smaller home than you initially envision should your income be restricted, and so forth. 

When you have a shared vision and the challenges manifest, you are prepared, rather than overwhelmed, and have a path that you can safely and sincerely travel, drawing you closer as you succeed in dealing with those challenges.

Marriage Counseling, Part 4: Faults and Blame

When we are first involved in a loving relationship, we don’t like to think about the fights and disagreements that we are going to have.  They are inevitable.  They will happen, just because no two people see things in exactly the same way.  So whether the disagreements are about which team to cheer for, or whether it makes a difference about how to spend the tax return check, there are going to be disagreements.  The big challenge is how you deal with those disagreements.

Sometimes it is simplest, if there is not much at stake and you can do your own thing, to simply decide that you agree to disagree.  This way, no one has to take the blame or be wrong.  Opinions are not necessarily right or wrong, anyway.  They are just different.  For example, the pronunciation of potato is not going to make or break your marriage.  Agree to disagree and let it go. Choose your battles wisely.

Bigger things, such as whether to buy a house, depending upon the neighborhood, the cost of the property, and so forth, will take greater negotiation.  You will need to take into consideration your preference for the style of the home, its location, cost, space, and whether you can comfortably afford it.  You may have to talk about decoration and what you envision once you are living there.  Doing this in advance saves arguments later.

All of these things require good communication and if you have a strong foundation of expressing your opinions and desires without the other being critical, it can smooth the way for harmonious relations all the way through your marriage.  Keeping a cool head while sharing what your heart says to you, you will do well.

The Off Season

We are coming to the time of year when things begin to slow down with regard to our social lives and the busy season for venues is less hectic.  For the savvy shopper bride who is planning a wedding during this time of year, the likelihood is that venues and vendors are less heavily scheduled, but are also likely to charge a lower rate as they wish to fill in their calendars for the rest of the year.  Shopping around for the best deals is a wise choice if you are looking to save money.

Perhaps you have had a special place in mind for your wedding for a long time.  There is no reason you shouldn’t have it, so long as you are flexible with your date selection, and the autumn season is likely to be your best option.  Not only are you likely to get your location, but the venue may be able to allow you a little more freedom with decorations, rehearsals, and other things you may want.  The main thing is, if you want something, don’t be afraid to ask for it.  You are sure not to get what you want if you don’t ask, but if you do, venues and vendors are more likely to give it to you during their off season.

The only thing that you are less likely to get a break on during this time of year is your flowers, and that, of course, is because of the growing season, but this can offset by using silk flowers.  You can make the most beautiful arrangements yourself, often using flowers that you pick up at a dollar store.

You don’t have to be poor to make your dollars count.  Beauty doesn’t have to carry a large price tag.  You just have to have a vivid imagination and know what you want.  Wedding planners and some officiants can help you with these plans or tell you where you can get help.  Just ask.

Why The Professional Officiant?

A lot of the scuttle-butt on the Professional circuit these days is about officiants who do not perform their work on a professional basis.  This includes friends and relatives of the bride or groom who apply for an ordination simply for the purpose of performing this specific wedding, often as a measure for saving money, but occasionally for the purpose of being the individual who blesses the marriage.  While either is acceptable in the eyes of the law, and reasonable for the couple, the finished product can sometimes be a disaster, leaving the bride and groom with memories that are below their expectations when it comes to how they see their wedding.

To see what you might be missing by having Uncle Joe perform your ceremony, consider what services you get with a professional officiant.  First, the officiant meets with you, taking the time to get to know you.  He or she might have a questionnaire for you to fill out, describing not only your preferences, but a little bit of the history of your relationship, so that your ceremony can be personalized to the two of you.  He or she might interview you, to really get acquainted with you both.  Then, if there are several basic ceremonies that the officiant uses, you can select a ceremony that reflects who you are as a couple and the feelings that you have for each other.  In my estimation, this is one of the most important things in the preparation of a wedding ceremony.  The professional officiant will prepare the ceremony and send you a copy for your approval.  He or she will rehearse with you prior to the ceremony so that your wedding will appear polished.  The day of the wedding, the professional officiant will coordinate events in such a way that everyone is ready on time and the ceremony comes off like a well-practiced production.  Your license will be signed and copies delivered to the appropriate parties.  You can trust the officiant to complete all phases of the preparation and display of the ceremony, without having to remind him or her of anything. 

When you are being married by Uncle Joe, this is not going to happen.  Although your friends and relatives know you, they do not know wedding protocol or what needs to be done when.  They are likely to find a ceremony script on the web, and will read it for you, but the ceremony will be lacking in polish, practice, and satisfaction.

While a professional officiant costs more money, the finished product is worth the extra investment.  Shopping around, you will be able to find a professional who cares about the memories that you are going to create, and will take a creative approach to providing them.

How To Deal With Conflict at the Wedding

Most weddings are a place where everyone is excited and happy for the bride and groom, partaking of their special day with positive energy and shared love.  There is respect and those who aren’t particularly supportive, have the decency to keep their opinions to themselves.  However, there is the occasional wedding in which there is a faction, often uninvited, prepared to disrupt the service, cause contention and turn the day into a disaster.  What does one do with that?

When the world is not supportive of the choices made by a couple, the first solution is not to invite trouble by leaving the nay-sayers off the guest list.  Even if that person is beloved Aunt Polly, and the worst she might do is moan and cry during the vows, it is wise to allow her to keep her feelings to herself.

However, there are those who would crash a wedding and shout or even become violent, attacking the bride or the groom, to show their displeasure at the proceedings.  Not only does this cause embarrassment, but also can cause costly delays of the ceremony.  If you have a concern that this may be a problem, being prepared ahead of time will help protect your ceremony from the negativity. 

Having your guests bring their invitations, and setting a gatekeeper or doorman at the entrance to the venue, preferably someone of imposing size, to sort out who has or has not been invited, can reduce the likelihood of a disruption.  Also, informing the officiant that there is an individual who may cause problems during the service helps to avoid problems, as the officiant can set a pace that doesn’t allow for interruptions.  The last step is to call the police and have the disruptors removed from the premises.  It may be an uncomfortable step to take, but possibly a necessary one, should violence come into the picture.

There are also those who underhandedly attempt to manipulate a couple by making threats and ultimatums.  These persons are likely to be more low key, but their presence on the day of a wedding can cause plenty of discomfort.  They usually impose their statements prior to the start of the ceremony, and the best option is to quietly ask them to leave.  While it may not be pleasant, it is a better option than having disruption during the ceremony.

Knowing who would cause conflict at your wedding and taking steps ahead of time to prevent the person’s actions from destroying your special day, may preserve the positive memories that you hope to have to begin your married life. 

Sprucing Up Your Outdoor Wedding

Everyone knows that having an outdoor wedding in a beautiful garden abundant with flowers provides a rich and lovely backdrop to a special and memorable ceremony.  But let’s say that you just want to have your ceremony in a public park where there is grass and trees and that’s about it.  You can’t get permission to attach anything that will leave a mark on the natural landscape, but there are a few things that you can do to make a pretty setting more you.

Suppose you are bringing in chairs for your guests.  Anything that can be attached to the chairs, including netting, flowers, ribbon, teddy bears, or other theme-related item is a go.  You can bring in an archway that can be covered in the same kind of decor. Let your imagination go wild.  If you really like teddy bears, for example, have one attached to the end seat of each row, alternating rows, if you wish to be a little budget-conscious.  You can put some large teddy bears with their own bouquets of your choice of flowers to the sides of the archway.

In addition, you can set up a table in the front from which to perform any of the rituals that you choose, including a Unity Sand ceremony, Love Knot ceremony, Wine and Bread ceremony, Bulb Planting ceremony, and so forth.  You can decorate the table with battery-powered lighted candles, pictures of relatives you wish to honor, and, of course, more flowers. 

In essence, you can decorate the outdoors in a similar way in which you decorate the indoors, so long as you have something on which to anchor your decorations.

Words, Words, Words

Many couples find that the wedding ceremony itself presents a problem.  They have a lot of emotions that they want to express, to make the day very special and meaningful, yet the words do not come to them.  They rely on the officiant to come up with just the right words to share how they feel about each other.  This is perfectly all right.

Some officiants will have a questionnaire to help determine what your thoughts and feelings about each other are.  They may ask, “What does love mean to you?”  or “What words describe how you feel about your partner?”  There are many questions that will help you to think about what you want said the day of your wedding.  Thinking about these things when the pressure is off allows your officiant get to know who the two of you are as a couple and what is important in your lives.  They may ask about your hobbies, what “family” means to you.  How much time do you think is important to spend with your partner, and when you are together, what makes that time special?

Having some time to think about these things allows you to have a ceremony that will bring back memories of fondness for the rest of your lives. 

Theme Weddings

I wrote a little about Theme Weddings last time, describing how to design invitations with a theme, and suggested, then, to use that as the template for your decorations for the ceremony and reception.  So let’s take a little time to think about how this can all work.

Many brides like to build their décor around the colors they have chosen for their ceremony:  the dresses and tuxedos, the pew decorations or an archway if the ceremony is out of doors.  Flowers, ribbon, candelabras, netting, miniature lights, etc., can be selected for display in harmonious hues to set the stage for a lovely, romantic setting.  But more often than not, nowadays, brides and grooms are wanting to display a theme that is relevant to their lives, something that speaks to who they are as a couple, something that played a role in their coming together to be a married couple.

Think for a moment what might be something that brought you together with your betrothed.  Was it a sport?  Did a certain flower or song play a special part and give your relationship meaning?  Do you share hobbies that are important to you?  Do you enjoy the adventure of riding motorcycles?  Is there a piece of literature you shared that brought you close?  Take the time to think about the mechanics of your relationship and what you share.  If this is difficult, consider what it is about your partner that has attracted you over time.  All physical things aside, chances are there are certain activities that bonded the two of you together.

So once you have identified what your joint interests are, or the things that make the two of you a couple, write down five or six picture images that will convey what it is that is special about the two of you.  This can be simplified by cutting pictures out of magazines or using images off the internet to get your started.  If you are having a secular ceremony and the two of you are Harley-Davidson riders, things like a leather jacket, a stuffed hog, the Harley-Davidson insignia, etc., are images that you will want to include.  If you are having a religious ceremony, you may want to include images of angels, rainbows, the Bible, and particularly, passages of scripture, along with floral arrangements and streamers.  If your theme is winter, regardless of whether your ceremony is religious or secular, you will want to have snowflakes of several varieties, sleds, snowmen, and may want to include songs like Winter Wonderland in your playlist.  Of course, these are just a very few of the ideas that you might want to use.

Once you have the imagery, you can apply these to your table centerpieces, your wedding cake, wall hangings, art displays, and the backdrop for your ceremony.  You may have to shop around for the right knick knacks, but keep in mind that stores like Michael’s specialize in “just right.”  There are stores that offer party items which can supply the more general items, as well.  Don’t be afraid to let your creativity soar.  Try putting a few different tables together and see which you like best.  You may want to try more than one theme before you decide on the final one.  When you have decided, let your Officiant know also, and you will probably get a ceremony written to reflect exactly what is special about the two of you.

Creating Invitations

For those with summer or autumn weddings, now is the time to get your invitations sent out, if you haven’t already done so.  The days of spending hours going through the printers sample books to select the perfect invitations are passé.  There are plenty of computer graphics programs which will help you design and print out your invitations. You can make them as flamboyant or as simple as you like and you can embellish them with ribbon, scrapbook lettering, ink stamps, appliqués and just about anything that you can imagine.

Most invitations these days follow in line with the theme of your wedding.  If your colors are the only theme that you are presenting, chances are, you will want your invitations to reflect that simplicity.  But if your theme is something like the Mad Hatter’s Tea Party, for example, you may want to have little hat cutouts, some netting, ribbon, perhaps a patch of felt, and, of course, tea cups!  Your invitations become the template for your decorations for your wedding and reception.

Of course, it is unnecessary to go to all that intricacy if you merely want to make sure that all of your aunts, uncles, cousins and dear friends receive notice that you request the honor of their presence at your nuptials.  Wording is sometimes everything.  Lettering is also something special these days, as we have so many font options to choose from. Wording and lettering should reflect your personalities and the level of seriousness or playfulness that you want your ceremony to reflect.  Traditional wording acknowledges the invitation coming from the parents.  More modern invitations, or invitations from couples who have been down the path before, generally state that the couple is requesting the honor.

Formal or casual, simple or exotic, if the invitations reflect who you are as a couple and the impressions you would like to give your guests, you can’t go wrong.

What to Wear

What to Wear?

As a Wedding Officiant, my choices for attire are pretty simple.  I have a white, satin robe, a black suit, or a number of dresses in various colors to blend with the colors of the wedding party.  For the bride and groom, this choice may be a little more difficult.

Let’s start with the groom, because he is less likely to concern himself with appearances.  Most modern grooms take into consideration the colors he and the bride have selected, the venue and what is special about it, and his personal comfort, as well as the comfort of the groomsmen.  While black tuxedos are standard fair at church or formal weddings, generally speaking, wearing a vest in the color of the couple’s choosing, while maintaining the formality of the black tux can add personality to the clothing choice.

For less formal events or weddings on a budget, a sport suit suffices.  It is almost always the case, however, that the groomsmen and the groom match their clothing as much as possible.  Khakis and a sport shirt are nice for outdoor, summer weddings, and at the beach, cargo shorts and a Hawaiian shirt add flair.  Once again, it is the preference of the couple, but this can be based on preference, personality and budget.

Theme weddings, which are gaining in popularity and expense, call for different styles of attire, many of the details of which can be purchased at stores like Great Party.  Halloween costume stores or Vintage/Antique/Thrift stores can be excellent sources for theme clothing, but you may have to do a great deal of shopping around as sizes tend to be limited.  These weddings take a little extra work, but they are charming and promote the couple’s personality in a lovely way.  Some themes that couples enjoy are Hollywood, Flower Gardening, Steam Punk, Gay 90’s, Sports, Boating, Cowboy/Western, Motorcycling, etc.  Just about anything that is a big part of your life can be transformed into a theme for a one-of-a-kind wedding.

The bride’s attire is considered the centerpiece of the wedding ceremony, and often, her dress is one of the greatest expenses as her taste, figure, and dreams find expression in this one symbol.  Choices involve white or not; pearls, lace, sequins, rhinestones, or plain; fitted, gathered, ball gown, sweetheart, princess, etc.  Needless to say, the choices are endless, and prices can go anywhere from $500 to $5000.  Certainly, budget plays a part here, but if one is looking forward to an heirloom gown, mother’s may not fit.  Once again, shopping the Vintage circuit, whether it is antique stores, thrift stores, eBay, Etsy, or other online sources, you can find a dress to make your day special. Of course, there are other options for the ladies, just as there are for the gentlemen.  Poodle skirts for a 50’s theme are cute, bathing attire for the beach, ethnic costumes, etc. 

Anything goes in today’s wedding.  It should reflect your personality, the things that are important in your life and the feelings you wish to share and convey at this special time.

Considering Elopement

For many people, the time and money that must be invested in a large, luxurious wedding is beyond the scope of their finances or may be beyond the scope of the time they have for planning.  Perhaps the important thing for a couple is to say some words that they might not have the opportunity to say to their partner.  Perhaps having the chance to just look each other in the eyes, proclaim love, and put those rings on each other’s fingers, without a great deal of hooplah is what will be the most memorable.  Whatever the reason, whether money, time or just plain preference, elopement may be just enough for what you desire.

What, exactly, is an elopement?  Usually, elopement is when you make an appointment with a magistrate to have your five minutes of time, exchange rings and be pronounced husband and wife at the fall of a gavel.  However, more and more wedding officiants are offering this service at a discount of their usual rate.  They may have a specific place in mind where they offer the service:  an office, their home, a park, or a beach.  Suffice it to say that the settings will be limited.   They will also only allow a small number of guests, usually immediate family or a few close friends, generally less than 10 people all together.  You will need to have the usual two witnesses to sign the license, which you must get prior to the ceremony according to the laws of your state.  You can expect that an elopement ceremony with an officiant or minister to be a little longer than one performed by a judge or magistrate, and it may allow for a little depth of meaning, but it won’t be as long as a large ceremony with all the trimmings.

To find out if an officiant does elopements, you may need to ask or visit his or her website.  I have decided to do them this year, as the economy tightens its belt. 

May your wedding become a beautiful story!

Asking the Right Questions

What questions should you ask your vendors?  Think about them before making the call.

You want to know first whether they are available for the date and time that you have decided upon.  When you hire vendors, you should have this slot decided upon before calling them.  Remember that they are receiving many calls, so expecting that they reserve your entire day is unrealistic.

Secondly, you want to know if they are in your price range.  Ask what the fee is.  But also ask if there are any conditions which allows for a discount, what those conditions are, and what prevents you from getting them.  In this day and age, many officiants allow special rates for elopement, which is where you have a short ceremony with just your witnesses.  Each officiant would have to say what conditions apply for him or her.  Others may have a sliding scale based on location, your income, and possibly, your age.  Be sure to ask.  Your officiant is perfectly willing to line these things out.

Third, you will need to find out if the vendor will travel to the location that you have in mind.  Distances are a great deterrent in these days of high gas prices, but if you are willing to pay a higher fee, most vendors will go almost anywhere.

Finally, any question that you can think of is fair game to ask your vendors.  If you write them down before you speak over the phone or before you meet in person, you will find that you are more satisfied because your vendors will be better able to meet your needs.