Marriage Counseling, Part 1

I am occasionally asked if I do pre-marital counseling.  I do not require it for my couples, as most have been together for several years already by the time they come to me.  However, I do offer it to those who would like some guidelines.

The first, and in my opinion, most important, aspect of a relationship, is the ability to communicate.  Sharing not only hopes and dreams with your partner, but also your worries and doubts, draws you closer.

It is important to allow open and honest expression.  To do this, there must be a safe environment.  Communication requires listening on both parts.  It is important to cut each other off.  It is equally important not to be reactionary, so that what you hear doesn’t cause you to act out.  This is a choice.  You may feel hurt, sad or even angry, by what you hear, but good communication dictates that you put those feelings into words, rather than acting out and creating problems.  This extends trust in each other and strengthens the bond between you.

There is a ceremony that calls for the use of a rose when things are difficult and you cannot express your feelings.  One party leaves the rose at a predetermined place.  The rose symbolizes the ongoing love between you, while allowing the other partner to know that there is something wrong, though words cannot be found to express it in the moment.  It is a gentle reminder that your relationship is stronger than the challenges that you face.

If you can communicate openly and honestly, you may never need marriage counseling later in your marriage.