Marriage Counseling, Part 3

If a couple has not set up housekeeping prior to the wedding, the adjustment to each other’s routines and private quirks can be jarring.  Not only does it take time to adjust, but there are worries about finances and housekeeping, time to spend with each other, time to spend with family and friends, and all sorts of little things that need to be worked out so that each of you is satisfied and not imposed upon. 

Making sure that you have set aside a specific time allotment each day to talk over your day, including things that may be uncomfortable to talk about, will help ease the friction that comes in your shared lives.  It is important that you keep your feelings in check while discussing these problems, because for one to say they find a problem with a certain behaviour, takes a great deal of courage.  It is not intended to hurt you, rather it is intended to indicate that a certain behaviour is bothersome or hurtful.  Listen, explain if need be, and then accept that there may have to be some changes.  Putting in the effort to keep your home harmonious is one of the most important things you can do to keep your marriage happy.  The difference between a good marriage and a bad one is that the parties actually try.  They work at making things good between them.  If you do so, it will go a long way toward setting the pattern of a lifetime of love.

Marriage Counseling Part 2: Adventure

One thing couples seem to have difficulty with over time is keeping the excitement going in their marriage.  There are busy days in everyone’s life, with work, family obligations, household upkeep and the need for occasional time to oneself.  So when does that leave time to dedicate with each other? 

As you may have learned from various sources, it is not necessarily the amount of time of time you spend with each other, rather the quality of that time.  To make the most of your time, try doing things that you’ve never done before.  You don’t have to go bungee jumping every weekend, though you may want to try it once...or twice...but if you can think of new places to go, new things to see, even if you are just going to the State Park and walking through the trees, it will keep things alive and fresh in your marriage.

Some people like to surprise each other with a special meal, tiny treasures gifts on the bed pillow as a surprise, doing chores that are usually done by the spouse, and so on.  Random acts of kindness, though not so random when its your spouse, go a long way to raising satisfaction levels.  Little gifts don’t have to be expensive, but they should be meaningful.  Try to find something that reminds both of you of a special moment, your honeymoon, a beloved song, or something on that order.

Keep a photo album or slideshow of various places you have been, or special times that meant a lot to you.  Select a family tradition, such as buying a new dated ornament for the holiday tree each year.  Make other holidays special with heirloom recipes that can be handed down over the years.  All of these things draw you closer as a family and keep the excitement going in your marriage.

Use your imagination to see into your partner’s mind and think of something that would make him or her very happy.  Surprise each other often enough to make your marriage exciting, but not so often that it becomes expected, taken for granted, or tedious.  Think of the adventures you can create.