What You Must Have in Your Ceremony

Your wedding ceremony is a presentation which contains all of the legal requirements that transform a couple of single individuals into a married couple.  The language therein is arranged with all of the necessary wording to accomplish that fact. When it comes down to it, there is little that must be said, and a lot that makes the money you spent on your ceremony worthwhile.  You will want your ceremony to reflect your feelings and express who you are as a couple. The ceremony script should express how you feel, but also, include nothing that you feel is irrelevant. It is important that you communicate this to your officiant.

What, then, is a required part of the ceremony, and what is for appearances?  Let’s run through the ceremony skeleton and see what we can find.

The first segment is the Prelude.  This is, generally, the music that is played while guests are being seated.  It is entirely optional and fairly difficult without a large sound system, if your ceremony is to be out or doors.

Next is the Processional.  This is also music, but it is played while the wedding party is approaching the area where they will stand for the rest of the ceremony, i.e. the front of the church, a stage, the water’s edge if near a lake, etc.  Even if you have no Prelude, a Processional is nice to have, but it, too, is not a required part of the ceremony.

The Convocation is the third part of the ceremony.  This is where the officiant or a designated individual introduces bride and groom, welcomes your guests and/or invites them to witness the union.  This is usually brief, often stated in traditional ceremonies as, “Dearly Beloved…etc.”  This too is optional.

The Invocation is next.  It may be a religious prayer or a secular wish of goodwill toward the bride and groom.  It is not legally required, but its presence may nicely set the tone for the rest of the ceremony.

Following the Invocation is the Dedication.  This is the part where the Officiant asks, “Who gives this woman to be married?” for example.  Again, this is completely optional, particularly if the bride has not chosen to be escorted up the aisle.

At this point comes what I think of as the entertainment portion of the ceremony.  It includes the Address, which involves a message that can include how the bride and groom have come together, what they think about each other, and advice that may seem appropriate.  This would be the section of the ceremony in which there might be passages of scripture, poems, literary readings and music. This part should be long enough to be interesting and entertaining, yet short enough so that your guests won’t fall asleep.  This, too, is optional.

Now we come to the required parts of the ceremony.  There is the Expression of Intent. This is merely a statement, such as, “Have you come here for the purpose of marriage?”  Both parties answer in unison, “We do,” or something similar.

If the couple wish to share personal messages with each other, this is a nice spot for them to do so.

Once that is done, the Officiant may say the Consecration.  Not required, it is a form of blessing. Some people like to say one of several Old Irish Blessings.

Next come the Vows.  While it may be as simple as, “Do you, (name), take (name), to be your wedded wife/husband” followed by, “I do,” they can also be poetic and lengthy.  These are required.

Following the Vows, some couples like to have more entertainment, such as music, another reading, or a Unity Ceremony, which can involve flowers, water, sand, candles, hand tying, or planting a flower bulb, a tree, or other symbolic ceremony.  All of this is optional, but ideally represents the couple’s feelings.

Next comes the Blessing of the Rings, which is also optional and can be either religious or secular, simple or poetic.  It precedes the Exchange of the Rings, in which the bride and groom place their rings on each other’s fingers. This can be done with or without vows, such as, “With this ring, I thee wed.”

Immediately following is the Pronouncement of the couple as husband and wife.  This is required.

Some couples like to save the signing of the Marriage License for this part of the ceremony, but it can also be signed following the end. It should be noted that there must be two witnesses of legal age to sign the license. This is a legal requirement.

Most couples like to seal their vows with a kiss at this point.  After that, the Officiant may introduce the couple to their guests as Mr. and Mrs. (names) followed by the Benediction, which is another blessing.  All of these parts are optional as well.

The couple goes out of the church/etc. during the Recessional, often followed by a Receiving Line, in which the bridal party and relatives receive the well-wishes the guests.  Some will do this immediately after the wedding, while others like to save this for the reception/party afterward.

It is important for a couple to choose the parts of the ceremony which reflect their feelings and to advocate for themselves with the professionals who will make the ceremony special for their wedding day.  A good Officiant will guide you through the script and create a memorable ceremony that you can remember for the rest of your lives.

What Are You Celebrating?

When a couple comes together for the purpose of marriage, there is always the question of how big a splash to make.  Some couples prefer something quiet, private, in which they can take care of the legal necessity of joining their lives, while others want to make as big a production with a great deal of fanfare to announce to the world that they are married, something that creates a beautiful memory of a day that seems more like a fantasy that reality.

As an officiant, it is my job to help you realize either one, whatever your hearts desire.  It is my job to find the right words, set the stage and express to your guests, however many you may have, that this day is special, that the two of you are now one voice, one heart, one life. 

Because everyone is different, your job is to let your officiant know what you envision as the perfect ceremony.  What rituals do you want as part of your ceremony?  Do you want special music, poetry, a tribute to someone special, memorials to those in the family who have passed, but are watching you from above? 

There are a lot of things that you can do to create a forum to have said what you want to do and say.  This ceremony will mark a transition from one stage of life to another, even if you, as a couple, have been together for years.  A wedding speaks volumes in that it can show your guests the story of your evolution from a single, solitary person, to a supportive, loving couple.  It can say what you feel, why you feel it, and why it is important and special to you, the couple.

Therefore, dream!  Envision what your perfect day is going to be.  If you are setting free balloons, or homing pigeons, or lighting a Unity Candle—whatever reflects your personal desires or style—make it your own and say what you will to celebrate who the two of you are as a couple and light the path ahead to where you want to go.

Release Rituals

One of the lovelier rituals performed at weddings are the release rituals, in which doves or balloons are released to represent the freedom of the love between a couple.  There is a new twist on these two exercises, as only the creative minds of the ingenious and culturally inspired can develop.  One ritual, borrowed from the Orient, is the release of floating lanterns, which are miniature hot air balloons with an incendiary device which lifts the lantern up into the sky.  The second is helium-filled, dove-shaped balloons which are biodegradable for the ecology-minded, yet allow for a lovely display similar to the live release of doves. 

Both of these releases create a dramatic and beautiful image that will stay with you and your guests for a long time.  The cost for either is nominal, but with the right narration, can be especially meaningful.  The lanterns are available in many different colors, including a package of several colors.  The dove-shaped balloons are white.  This link will connect you with a vendor who sells these items.

http://www.skylanterns.us

While these rituals are just beginning to become popular, they are not widely known and practiced.  Both are well-suited to outdoor weddings, and the lanterns are much more dramatic at night, when the lights shine as they rise.  If you wish to have a dramatic flair, I highly recommend these rituals.

Narrative for the release of the doves might be something as simple as, "to symbolize the freedom of the expression of Bride and Groom's love, they release these doves."  Of course, you can get as poetic as you wish, adding more to enhance the drama, but the imagery is of paramount significance.

Marriage Counseling, Part 4: Shared Vision

One of the biggest challenges in married life is the prioritizing of expenditures and the saving of money.  If there are not sufficient funds to pay the bills, if there is an illness that reduces income significantly, the loss of a job for no apparent reason, all of these things can disrupt an otherwise smoothly-flowing marriage.  The cure to these problems is having a shared vision of what you want your future to look like.  If the two of you know where you’re going, what you want in the way of life’s journey, a home, family, the type of occupation, and the recreational aspects of your lives, it can go a long way to helping you to adjust when the vision is disrupted for whatever reason.

Like all aspects of married life, being able to talk about what you want in life is of the greatest importance.  Before you get to the point of committing to each other, you need to come to an agreement about where you want your marriage to go.  Where will you live, both geographically and socially?  Do you want a large house with all sorts of luxuries?  Or are you more inclined to have an ecologically-based small home with nooks and crannies for organizing life on a small scale?  Do you want to live in the city or the country?  What kinds of vehicles do you want?  Children?  How many?  How do you prepare if a child has special needs?  Do you want pets?  What kind of hobbies or crafts would you like to pursue?  What does a typical day look like in your perfect lifestyle?  Try to envision exactly what you would like your life to be like.  Share your views with your partner.  Write a couple of pages about it or draw the images that are most important to you.

Having a shared vision, an idea of an endpoint for your marriage, can help smooth out the wrinkles that life challenges can place in your way.  Once you create your ideal roadmap, it is a simple matter to develop a Plan B, which includes your options when things don’t go according to your regular plans.  Give it some serious thought and have a strategy to put into place, including things like additional education when career changes come, specialized day care for special needs children, a smaller home than you initially envision should your income be restricted, and so forth. 

When you have a shared vision and the challenges manifest, you are prepared, rather than overwhelmed, and have a path that you can safely and sincerely travel, drawing you closer as you succeed in dealing with those challenges.

Marriage Counseling Part 2: Adventure

One thing couples seem to have difficulty with over time is keeping the excitement going in their marriage.  There are busy days in everyone’s life, with work, family obligations, household upkeep and the need for occasional time to oneself.  So when does that leave time to dedicate with each other? 

As you may have learned from various sources, it is not necessarily the amount of time of time you spend with each other, rather the quality of that time.  To make the most of your time, try doing things that you’ve never done before.  You don’t have to go bungee jumping every weekend, though you may want to try it once...or twice...but if you can think of new places to go, new things to see, even if you are just going to the State Park and walking through the trees, it will keep things alive and fresh in your marriage.

Some people like to surprise each other with a special meal, tiny treasures gifts on the bed pillow as a surprise, doing chores that are usually done by the spouse, and so on.  Random acts of kindness, though not so random when its your spouse, go a long way to raising satisfaction levels.  Little gifts don’t have to be expensive, but they should be meaningful.  Try to find something that reminds both of you of a special moment, your honeymoon, a beloved song, or something on that order.

Keep a photo album or slideshow of various places you have been, or special times that meant a lot to you.  Select a family tradition, such as buying a new dated ornament for the holiday tree each year.  Make other holidays special with heirloom recipes that can be handed down over the years.  All of these things draw you closer as a family and keep the excitement going in your marriage.

Use your imagination to see into your partner’s mind and think of something that would make him or her very happy.  Surprise each other often enough to make your marriage exciting, but not so often that it becomes expected, taken for granted, or tedious.  Think of the adventures you can create.

Marriage Counseling, Part 1

I am occasionally asked if I do pre-marital counseling.  I do not require it for my couples, as most have been together for several years already by the time they come to me.  However, I do offer it to those who would like some guidelines.

The first, and in my opinion, most important, aspect of a relationship, is the ability to communicate.  Sharing not only hopes and dreams with your partner, but also your worries and doubts, draws you closer.

It is important to allow open and honest expression.  To do this, there must be a safe environment.  Communication requires listening on both parts.  It is important to cut each other off.  It is equally important not to be reactionary, so that what you hear doesn’t cause you to act out.  This is a choice.  You may feel hurt, sad or even angry, by what you hear, but good communication dictates that you put those feelings into words, rather than acting out and creating problems.  This extends trust in each other and strengthens the bond between you.

There is a ceremony that calls for the use of a rose when things are difficult and you cannot express your feelings.  One party leaves the rose at a predetermined place.  The rose symbolizes the ongoing love between you, while allowing the other partner to know that there is something wrong, though words cannot be found to express it in the moment.  It is a gentle reminder that your relationship is stronger than the challenges that you face.

If you can communicate openly and honestly, you may never need marriage counseling later in your marriage.

Time: The Big Spoilsport

We’ve talked about many ways your vendors want to help you create a beautiful memory on your wedding day, but there is a little thing that can make the entire thing fall apart:  a late start.  You all know how important it is for your vendors to arrive and perform on time for you, but if the ceremony begins late, it can cause an avalanche of disasters.
 Suffice it to say that vendors operate like taxi drivers.  They always have another place to be and they allot a certain amount of time to any given affair, charging X-number of dollars for a specified amount of time.
 While it’s great that you would like all of your friends and relatives to witness your ceremony, it may not be practical to hold up the wedding if some happen to be late.  Your officiant may be flexible in waiting up to fifteen minutes for out-of-town loved ones to arrive if he or she doesn’t have another obligation following yours, but courtesy dictates that you ask, should the situation arise.
 You may have a little more leeway when it comes to your reception, as the caterer is less likely to be scheduled for another event, however, the servers are probably paid by the hour, so the boss will be watching the clock.
 Your entertainers are also likely booked only for your event, but they, too, will want to start and finish on time.  If your reception immediately follows your ceremony, a late start to the wedding can cause some discomfort for musicians, d.j.’s, even photographers.
 The second most likely cause of delay is the hairdresser.  Be sure that you add an extra hour or even two, in case some problem arises at the salon. 
 A case of nerves can also be cause for delay, but making sure all of the arrangements are confirmed may help alleviate worries.  A good officiant can help coordinate lining up and time management, as well as your master or mistress of ceremonies and your wedding planner.  Sometimes it just takes knowing that all of your vendors have arrived to reduce stress levels.
 In any case, starting your wedding on time keeps everyone happy and helps you avoid unexpected fees and hurt feelings.

The Off Season

We are coming to the time of year when things begin to slow down with regard to our social lives and the busy season for venues is less hectic.  For the savvy shopper bride who is planning a wedding during this time of year, the likelihood is that venues and vendors are less heavily scheduled, but are also likely to charge a lower rate as they wish to fill in their calendars for the rest of the year.  Shopping around for the best deals is a wise choice if you are looking to save money.

Perhaps you have had a special place in mind for your wedding for a long time.  There is no reason you shouldn’t have it, so long as you are flexible with your date selection, and the autumn season is likely to be your best option.  Not only are you likely to get your location, but the venue may be able to allow you a little more freedom with decorations, rehearsals, and other things you may want.  The main thing is, if you want something, don’t be afraid to ask for it.  You are sure not to get what you want if you don’t ask, but if you do, venues and vendors are more likely to give it to you during their off season.

The only thing that you are less likely to get a break on during this time of year is your flowers, and that, of course, is because of the growing season, but this can offset by using silk flowers.  You can make the most beautiful arrangements yourself, often using flowers that you pick up at a dollar store.

You don’t have to be poor to make your dollars count.  Beauty doesn’t have to carry a large price tag.  You just have to have a vivid imagination and know what you want.  Wedding planners and some officiants can help you with these plans or tell you where you can get help.  Just ask.

Theme Weddings

I wrote a little about Theme Weddings last time, describing how to design invitations with a theme, and suggested, then, to use that as the template for your decorations for the ceremony and reception.  So let’s take a little time to think about how this can all work.

Many brides like to build their décor around the colors they have chosen for their ceremony:  the dresses and tuxedos, the pew decorations or an archway if the ceremony is out of doors.  Flowers, ribbon, candelabras, netting, miniature lights, etc., can be selected for display in harmonious hues to set the stage for a lovely, romantic setting.  But more often than not, nowadays, brides and grooms are wanting to display a theme that is relevant to their lives, something that speaks to who they are as a couple, something that played a role in their coming together to be a married couple.

Think for a moment what might be something that brought you together with your betrothed.  Was it a sport?  Did a certain flower or song play a special part and give your relationship meaning?  Do you share hobbies that are important to you?  Do you enjoy the adventure of riding motorcycles?  Is there a piece of literature you shared that brought you close?  Take the time to think about the mechanics of your relationship and what you share.  If this is difficult, consider what it is about your partner that has attracted you over time.  All physical things aside, chances are there are certain activities that bonded the two of you together.

So once you have identified what your joint interests are, or the things that make the two of you a couple, write down five or six picture images that will convey what it is that is special about the two of you.  This can be simplified by cutting pictures out of magazines or using images off the internet to get your started.  If you are having a secular ceremony and the two of you are Harley-Davidson riders, things like a leather jacket, a stuffed hog, the Harley-Davidson insignia, etc., are images that you will want to include.  If you are having a religious ceremony, you may want to include images of angels, rainbows, the Bible, and particularly, passages of scripture, along with floral arrangements and streamers.  If your theme is winter, regardless of whether your ceremony is religious or secular, you will want to have snowflakes of several varieties, sleds, snowmen, and may want to include songs like Winter Wonderland in your playlist.  Of course, these are just a very few of the ideas that you might want to use.

Once you have the imagery, you can apply these to your table centerpieces, your wedding cake, wall hangings, art displays, and the backdrop for your ceremony.  You may have to shop around for the right knick knacks, but keep in mind that stores like Michael’s specialize in “just right.”  There are stores that offer party items which can supply the more general items, as well.  Don’t be afraid to let your creativity soar.  Try putting a few different tables together and see which you like best.  You may want to try more than one theme before you decide on the final one.  When you have decided, let your Officiant know also, and you will probably get a ceremony written to reflect exactly what is special about the two of you.

Considering Elopement

For many people, the time and money that must be invested in a large, luxurious wedding is beyond the scope of their finances or may be beyond the scope of the time they have for planning.  Perhaps the important thing for a couple is to say some words that they might not have the opportunity to say to their partner.  Perhaps having the chance to just look each other in the eyes, proclaim love, and put those rings on each other’s fingers, without a great deal of hooplah is what will be the most memorable.  Whatever the reason, whether money, time or just plain preference, elopement may be just enough for what you desire.

What, exactly, is an elopement?  Usually, elopement is when you make an appointment with a magistrate to have your five minutes of time, exchange rings and be pronounced husband and wife at the fall of a gavel.  However, more and more wedding officiants are offering this service at a discount of their usual rate.  They may have a specific place in mind where they offer the service:  an office, their home, a park, or a beach.  Suffice it to say that the settings will be limited.   They will also only allow a small number of guests, usually immediate family or a few close friends, generally less than 10 people all together.  You will need to have the usual two witnesses to sign the license, which you must get prior to the ceremony according to the laws of your state.  You can expect that an elopement ceremony with an officiant or minister to be a little longer than one performed by a judge or magistrate, and it may allow for a little depth of meaning, but it won’t be as long as a large ceremony with all the trimmings.

To find out if an officiant does elopements, you may need to ask or visit his or her website.  I have decided to do them this year, as the economy tightens its belt. 

May your wedding become a beautiful story!

Cold Feet

There are a few of my couples who have experienced cold feet. They go through all of the planning, start looking at the costs, think about how their lives will change, what they will have to do to keep a marriage on course, and they go into a panic. Rarely does this stop them from going through with the wedding, but it can create some very uncomfortable days until everything is back on target.

Planning and communication are the sure-fire ways of making these things work out. By working together, making sure all of the bases are covered for the wedding itself, talking about what has been accomplished, what has yet to be done, talking about the feelings that you have, including how the ceremony and reception will affect your finances, you come to realize what a great team you are, how you solve problems, and that together, you can overcome whatever is before you.
You may find that you have to prioritize desires for your ceremony. Some thing are very important to each of you, other things you can let go of without it negatively affecting you on an emotional level. Some things are just beyond your budget. Part of being a mature, married couple is knowing when you have to make do with what you have. If you have your heart set on something, you may have to make a trade-off. Together, you can make these choices.

The thing that you must avoid at all costs is manipulation. Don’t try to deceive one another or surprise one another with what you think your partner wants or something that you want, but you think you will be able to trick your partner into wanting in the end. This is a sign that you have some growing to do, and you need to face that.

Marriage is about making an unstoppable team. You can be a part of it, or you can break it. What choice will you make?
Warm regards,
Rev. Sandra

Saving, Saving, Saving

The traditional wedding season is coming quickly upon us. That is to say, the weather is soon to be getting warmer and warm weather brides are likely to be bursting at the seams to get all of their ducks in a row. It may be an easy matter to hire a church, a hall, a band or deejay, minister, florist, and then get the dresses and tuxes, invitations, and decor in line. Or is it? Depending upon how much money you are able to spend, it may be a bit of a challenge to have the things you want in your dream wedding. There are ways to cut the cost if you are willing to look at some possibilities beyond the norm.
Some people are opting to have a wedding at the location where the honeymoon will take place, then having a reception upon their return. For friends who can afford to book airfare, hotel and meals at the location, they are welcome to come, but generally speaking, only close family is included in this type of ceremony. It is one option for saving money and still having the honeymoon you desire.
Often the church is the biggest expense in a wedding. Considering popular outdoor locations which may have special meaning to the two of you, can often save a lot of money. There may be a small reservation fee, but generally, having a wedding in the outdoors is relatively inexpensive. Places that are especially nice are the beach, a public park, a friend’s countryside garden, or a historic site that allows for large gatherings.
Bands are nice, but they can be pricey. Deejays have come into fashion for weddings as well as receptions. Be sure that if you are using a deejay for your wedding ceremony that he or she is willing to coordinate timing with the minister or your event planner so that the ceremony has a professional presentation.

Flowers are expensive and if you can afford the best, go for it. For those who have limited budgets, you can find a broad selection of silk flowers at a dollar store. In fact, they have begun to stock favors and decorations that you can make for your reception tables that look as nice as if you purchased them from an upscale store. You can get a book that explains how to put your bouquets together at your local bookstore.
Dresses and tuxes have been going out the window in recent years as budgets get smaller. I have seen some beautiful gowns at local thrift shops. These are often dresses that have been worn once and are discarded. Purchased new, these dresses may have been hundreds of dollars, often covered in beautiful lace and beadwork, but at a thrift store, they are sold at a fraction of the price. For the obvious reason, sizes are limited, and you may have to really shop around for a few months to find what you want, but the savings is worth it. Tuxes, on the other hand, are being seen as an unnecessary extra for some couples. The gentlemen are opting to wear matching shirts and slacks, and sometimes, depending on the location of the ceremony, something that speaks to the environment, including cargo shorts. The latter speaks to the notion that weddings should be memorable because they really are all about who the two of you are as a couple, and should reflect your personalities and feelings.

What about the cake? Cupcakes are in vogue and often cost less than a multi-tiered cake with extravagant decorations. Arranging them on a special stand creates the captivating look. You can often purchase various flavors of cupcakes, thus allowing your guests a choice. If you wish, you can still have a small cake for the traditional anniversary cake. This is the cake that you share on your first anniversary to celebrate the success of your marriage.
Invitations and other paper products have become a challenge of the past, as more and more couples have opted to design their own with their computer graphics and photo software. They may be expensive to print out, as the papers and inks can add up, but it is likely that they will still be less expensive than purchasing these items from a printer. The positive thing is that you have the ability to change the amount of printed copies, should your guest list grow or decrease. Most office supply stores will be able to provide the special papers and inks that you wish to use.
Knowing the trends of what others are doing to save money can take some of the tension out of organizing and preparing for a beautiful wedding. May you be richly blessed!

Running Late?

A last minute ceremony doesn't have to be a headache.  You might be surprised to know how many couples would rather dispense with all the hooplah and have an intimate gathering of friends, leaving the details to the last minute.  If your officiant is free on the day of your choosing, it is no big deal to accomodate your needs.  The fee might be a little less, in fact, as the officiant may have an opening to fill.  Call the officiant.  He or she will ask you a few questions:  what, where, when, who, how many, etc.  Let the officiant know if you have preferences of religious or non-religious ceremony.  If you want something and don't know where to find it, your officiant can guide you to vendors who can help you.  An experienced officiant will have a list of things you might need and know just where to send you. I have done several of these ceremonies with very short notice.  They are just as beautiful as those that are planned months ahead and equally as memorable.

Winter Weddings

Winter weddings take a little more planning than those carefree, rain-free summer days, but they offer a chance to really let your creativity shine. As most winter weddings are, as a necessity here in the North, indoors, the decor becomes part of the memory and effect that you wish to create. Consider going to the dollar stores where you can find silk flowers, ribbon, crepe paper, etc. to make decorations that will be stunning to your guests and easy on your pocketbook. Afraid they will look cheap, just because they are? Once put together they will dazzle your guests just as much as high-priced decorations. Just employ your imagination and let yourself enjoy the savings.

Rituals

There are many kinds of rituals which can be included to your ceremony for their symoblic value of expressing that the two of you are now united. The most common is the Unity Candle, in which three candles are placed on the altar or pedestal, a large one in the center with two tapers on the sides. Tradition suggests that the mothers light the outer candles at the time they are seated. After the vows, generally, the bride and groom each take a taper and light the center candle, then blow out the side candles and replace them on the altar. This is a lovely ritual, very meaningful, with the flame representing the life force of the couple. However, this is not practical for those who are choosing to marry out of doors, as the air currents, even on a very calm day, will put out the flames, stealing away the pageantry and romance of the ritual. So for outdoor weddings, I suggest the Sands of Unity.

This ritual serves well if it is only the bride and groom participating, but many blended families enjoy allowing the children to take part in this ritual as well. It goes like this: each person has a separate color of sand (to be found at a local hobby shop). There is a decorative vase in the center which should be able to be closed with a cork, lid, or other stopper. At the appointed time, everyone steps forward, takes his or her sand (which can be placed into pretty containers also, or put in open bowls with scallop shells to sift the sand into the container, however you wish to do it) and pours it into the decorative container, allowing the sand to blend and fill as it will. This symbolizes the value of each person's contribution to the family as a whole, such that each person fills the empty spaces left by the others. At the end, there is a beautiful keepsake that will last for the rest of their lives.

Tying of the Hands can involve merely tying ribbons around the hands of the bride and groom to signify their union, or it can include a narrative which asks each partner to recognize the beauty and value of the service of the other. This is lovely in any kind of ceremony, but is most common in Handfastings with the Pagan community.

There are many types of flower ceremonies. Flowers may be given to the parents as thank you gifts for their love and support over the years. Flowers may be placed on an empty seat in recognition of a loved one who has passed, but is watching the ceremony from above. Flowers may also be exchanged as the first gift between husband and wife, also to be recognized as a peace offering at any point through their marriage in which they are facing difficulties, to let the other know that the love is still strong between them. And last, flowers may be used as a Unity Ceremony, by taking petals from two different colors of flowers, and combining them in a single vase. This is beautiful, but is not a lasting memorial.

The Wine Ceremony has the couple pouring a glass of wine for each other, and then toasting their new marriage. This may come a little later, often after their first kiss. It may be accompanied by a Bread Ceremony in which a small loaf of bread is placed on the altar, and they each offer the other a bite of bread, to show the growth and welcoming of the other to the home. In some cultures, the bread is baked by the bride and presented for eating to her mother-in-law.

The Tea Ceremony is common in Asian traditions. Tea is prepared in advance and when the bride is presented, both couples' parents come to the front and are served tea by the bride and groom to signify good relations and hospitality.

Planting a tree or flower is something a little more permanent, but is done more and more when the wedding takes place in the garden of the home where the couple will live. Sometimes, there are seeds/bulbs passed down from one generation to the next, or the sapling may be a cutting from a parental tree. In any case, there is a great deal of continuity and dedication as the couple plants the flower or tree, waters it and focuses their intention that the plant bring strength and longevity to their relationship.

There are other ceremonies to be performed after the ceremony, including a money ceremony. Prior to the ceremony, the spare change of the guests is collected by the groom's mother. After all of the guests have congratulated the new couple, the groom's mother pours all of the coins onto the floor. The bride and groom must then collect all of the money, which symbolically, is a blessing for the purchase of their new home.

Sample Ceremony

The Ceremony
Of
The Gems of Love
Prelude

Processional:

Convocation: Greetings to all of you, both family and friends of __________ and ____________. It is their great pleasure to welcome you to witness their vows of love and commitment on this most joyous day.

Invocation: Let us pray: Almighty God, we ask your presence and your blessings as ______ and _____ take this step of committing their lives to one another. We ask that you would encourage their loving hearts as they make their vows today, so that the promises they make will last for the rest of their lives, knowing that their love is a valued gem. Amen.

Who gives this woman to be married?

The Address: As two people come together in that first meeting, it is not always apparent that the outcome will be lifelong love. While there may be the awareness that there is something different about the other, it may take several days or meetings before one realizes that this person has touched one’s heart. Like beautiful gemstones that grow in the earth, changing and becoming ever more beautiful over time, assisted by the pressure of the shifting earth; heat or cold; moisture and drought, so too, do relationships become more beautiful because of the challenges and stresses that a couple experience in their lifetimes.

Gems of Love

Your first meeting is represented by the emerald,
full of curiosity and excitement and attraction.
As you become acquainted and interested in pursuing each other,
The fiery, exciting ruby symbolizes your love.
As you grow to appreciate each other in all of your aspects,
It is the simple white pearl that expresses the layers of knowing
And when you are ready to make a lifetime commitment
It is the diamond, created through heat and pressure,
That symbolizes your willingness to undergo the challenges of life together.
And finally, as you have spent years and years of learning each other’s strengths, weaknesses, and the hidden parts of each other’s nature, it is the beautiful, shining amber, which reveals the innermost history,
that blesses your lives forevermore.


Though life is never cast in stone—there are no guarantees—knowing that you have a partner to support you through the tests and trials of everyday life makes it easier to get beyond those challenges. You are able to do this by ensuring a safe place where both of you can communicate your needs and wants, your silent sufferings, your hopes and dreams, and the delights in the little things you experience every day. And so, your love grows from both directions, like nature’s beautiful stalactite and stalagmite in a crystal cave. The love that you share eventually connects to create an amazing pillar of great strength. It is the contribution made by each of you, acting in harmony, that makes your love something beautiful to behold, as well as creating and establishing a relationship that will stand the test of time.
In addition, by seeking to delight each other with simple pleasures, being open to new adventures, and making your relationship the single most important thing in your lives, you have the prescription for happiness.

Consecration: As you, ____, and you, ____, make your vows this day, know that you are becoming complete, within and without. You now become part of a cherished team, a source of wonder and delight. May you be blessed with every vision of happiness that you have hoped for and may you step forward with the knowledge that this relationship is destined to become a beautiful gem.

Expression of Intent: With the knowledge of the fullness of commitment and the permanence of your vows, have you come here today freely for the intention of marriage?

______ and ____ say, “We have.”

The Vows:

Do you, _______, take ________ to be your lawfully wedded wife? Do you promise to love, honor, respect and cherish her, support her through challenges and the full expression of her dreams? Do you promise to protect her, encourage her, and share the remainder of your life with her?

________ says, “I do.”

Do you, _______, take ________ to be your lawfully wedded husband? Do you promise to love, honor, respect and cherish him, support him through challenges and the full expression of his dreams? Do you promise to protect him, encourage him, and share the remainder of your life with him?

________ says, “I do.”

May I please have the rings?

Rings symbolize the union of soul unto soul, forming a perfect circle. They are made of precious metal, which symbolizes the great value that is placed upon your union, strong enough to last a lifetime. Bless, O Lord, these rings to be a symbol by which this man and this woman have committed themselves to one another. Amen.

Optional: Unity Candle, Sands of Unity, toast, or other ritual.

___, Please place this ring on ___’s third finger and repeat after me:

“I give you this ring as a symbol of the love, honor and trust that we share. The gem that is our love will grow more beautiful and perfect as time goes on.”

___, Please place this ring on ___’s third finger and repeat after me:

“I give you this ring as a symbol of the love, honor and trust that we share. The gem that is our love will grow more beautiful and perfect as time goes on.”

The Pronouncement: As you, ___ and you, _______, have stated your vows before this audience and exchanged the symbols by which your marriage shall be known, it gives me great pleasure to pronounce you husband and wife.

Optional: Signing of the Marriage License

You may kiss!

Benediction: May your marriage be blessed with all the wonder and delight that you have experienced this day and may be a gem of a relationship through the end of your lives. May the Lord bless you and keep you, may he make his face to shine upon you and give you peace.

Recessional:

Receiving Line

Copyright 2007 by Samm J. Bogner

About Rev. Sandra

I have been ordained as a non-denominational minister in the State of Michigan for 11 years and have been performing wedding ceremonies/commitments for 9 years now. I have performed over 300 unique and beautiful ceremonies.

Why do I do this? Because I love being around happy couples on a day that means so much to them, and I derive great joy in helping them create a beautiful memory that will be with them for the rest of their lives.

I believe that the most important thing on Wedding Day is that the two of you have a ceremony that you can look back on with fondness because it speaks to who you are as a couple and the feelings that you have for each other.

I use the symbolism that is meaningful for you, that tells your guests where you are going in your lives, help you select rituals that symbolize your unity and love, and touch your guests hearts.

I believe it is not necessary to have a ceremony that lasts hours to bring out the true story of your lives, past, present and future. The beauty that reveals the two of you takes little time and is even more memorable because of it.

I am located in Muskegon, Michigan, however, I would be happy to refer you to someone in your area who holds similar philosophies regarding weddings, via the American Association of Wedding Officiants.

Planning Your Wedding

What's the first thing that comes to mind when it comes to weddings? The joy? The celebration? Not generally. For the bride, it's the work that comes with planning all of the elements that go into making a perfect memory. Some will opt to hire a wedding planner upon whom they can lay the work (and the blame if things go wrong). Some will depend upon a mother who may or may not be more than willing to take charge. (This works for some, but more often than not, Mother will do things her way, not your way, and this YOUR day!) aYou will need to select an officiant, a location, a photographer, a band or DJ, a florist and a gown and tux shop. And you will need to coordinate all of these people according to the date you want. Is it any surprise that more and more couples are opting for the garden wedding in the back yard?

Eventually, the planning will find its way around to your officiant. Your officiant will ask you questions about what you want in your ceremony as far as rituals (Unity Candle, Sand Ceremony, Hand Ceremony, Flower Ceremonies, etc.), if there will be special music, and special recognitions, prayers, blessings, readings, how you want to say your vows (memorize, repeat after me, or just say, "I do.") how you want to be introduced, and so forth. Don't be shy about asking for what you want, whether it is something you have imagined your entire life or whether it's something you saw at So-and-So's wedding and would like to include, or conversely, you DON'T want to include it. Your officiant is the go-to person to make your dream come true. And he or she will also have a good idea where you can find those "hard to locate" items as well.