Avoiding Meltdowns

The day of the wedding ceremony is fraught with nerves, headaches, and confusion.  There are many things that can go wrong, but the important thing is to avoid a meltdown for the bride and groom.  With a little luck and a good officiant, the wedding can be salvaged and be remembered for years to come as a beautiful event, near and dear to the heart.

Let’s take a look at some of the things that might go wrong.  First, the Marriage License can be lost, left behind at the hotel, have coffee spilled on it, or be accidentally torn.  Plan ahead by giving the license to someone who will take responsibility for it, such as the maid of honor or best man, a parent, or a wedding planner. This person will be responsible for making sure it gets packed with items to go to the location of the ceremony, making sure it is transported to the site, and perhaps wrapping it in plastic report cover to prevent damage from spills or tears, and most importantly, delivering the license to the officiant prior to the ceremony.

Another disastrous thing that can happen is having the wedding cake ruined.  This can happen in transport.  The cake may fall, melt, be dropped, not be what was ordered, etc.  The solution to this is a little more difficult.  If possible, have the bakery deliver the cake to your location.  They have to tools to protect the cake from most of these problems.  If the cake comes in sections, they will be able to set it up to its best.  If your baker doesn’t deliver, allow extra time so that the cake doesn’t get bounced around in transport by having to hurry through traffic.  Upon arrival, use a kitchen cart to move the cake into the hall.  If there is a melting problem, smoothing the icing with a spatula should help repair the situation.

Flowers are commonly delivered by the florist, and they will often help distribute the bouquets and boutonnieres to the wedding party.  The problem here is if they droop in the heat of summer, or if the tapes holding things together slide off.  This isn’t a common problem, but it is a possibility.  If necessary, store the flowers in a refrigerator to keep them fresh.

Clothing can become a headache as well.  Perhaps someone’s tux doesn’t fit.  Or, perhaps the bridesmaids gowns are too tight.  Worst of all, the bridal gown may tear or pop a button.  The latter problem can be helped with a needle and thread, so long as this is packed into a “go bag” where all of the last minute needs are stored.  The fitting of the tuxes and bridesmaids gowns can be taken care of if everyone is fitted a week or so before the ceremony.  Then, make sure that each person does, in fact, have the clothing that is meant for them.

Now it is a matter of making sure all of the people that have been invited are on time.  Depending upon the size of the guest list, it may or may not be important that the guests, and a special guest in particular, arrive on time.  It isn’t practical to phone everyone and remind them to be on time, but if there is someone you absolutely want to be there for the ceremony, a well-timed phone call can help them remember what time they should arrive.  Ten minutes before the ceremony is a good rule of thumb.

Last, it’s raining on your well-planned ceremony.  Not to worry.  Paperwork can be slipped into plastic report covers so that the ink doesn’t run, someone can be asked to hold umbrellas over the wedding party if the rain is falling very hard, or, if the rain is a temporary thing, it’s probably okay to wait a little while.  But remember, rain on the wedding day is a good omen.

If you can avoid these pitfalls, there is no reason for a meltdown and heartfelt memories shall abound.

Peripheral Tips

Once you have all of the flowers, gowns, tuxes, and are ready to rehearse your ceremony, there are a few things that need to be discussed.  For example, when the bride is presented, do you wish the congregation to stand?  Often, they will stand without prompting, but it is good to know if you wish them to do so.  Traditionally, as the bride comes into view, the congregation will stand, but there are couples who prefer not to do this.  You should let your officiant know your preferences.

Another thing that will help your ceremony go smoothly is that the maid of honor will adjust the train of the bride’s gown when the bride reaches her place. Following that, or if there is no train to smooth, the bride hands the maid of honor her flowers, so that her hands are free to hold the groom’s hands and to give and receive the rings, pour sand (if there is a sand ceremony), exchange roses (for a rose ceremony), light candles (if there is a Unity Candle) and so on.

It is frequently preferred by couples to have a ringbearer in the bridal party.  This is a charming addition.  The problem comes in when the rings are not adequately tied to the pillow he carries, or tied so well that the ties must be cut.  Perhaps I have said this before, but it helps the ceremony to run more smoothly if the ringbearer has faux rings on the pillow (it may actually have had a pair of them when purchased) and have the best man and/or maid of honor holding the rings to be presented to the officiant when asked.

These are just a few of the tips that will help your wedding day go seamlessly better.

Do's and Don'ts for Your Wedding

Most all of us know that there are some things that we should or shouldn’t do with regard to a wedding ceremony and the associated events that support that being smoothly performed.  It’s nice to review a few things, however, as forgetting these can create an uncomfortable situation for the entire wedding party.

Do’s:

1. Take the ceremony seriously.  All of the professionals will be most appreciative.
2. Be on time to the rehearsals, ceremony and every function involved in preparation for the ceremony.  Make sure that all participants have been informed of the time each event is starting. If someone must be late or is unable to attend, let the officiant know as soon as possible.
3. Let the officiant know of any changes to the ceremony as soon as possible.  This is one of the benefits of having an officiant-led rehearsal. It’s okay to stop the rehearsal for a rewrite, but not so good to have an awkward silence during the ceremony.  If you are adding a Unity Candle, for example, be sure to inform the officiant. Likewise if you are removing a part of the ceremony. The wedding will run so much smoother and there will be no embarrassing moments.
4. Do introduce the officiant to the members of the bridal party, particularly the two witnesses who are responsible for signing the marriage license.  It makes it much easier when the time comes to sign.
5. Let the best man and maid of honor help with the flowers, rings and train of the bridal gown.  That’s what they’re receiving special honors for.

Don’ts:

1. Save celebrating for after the ceremony is over.  There is little else that disrupt the ceremony more than an intoxicated bridal party.
2. Don’t give someone a job to do, then change your mind and assign someone else.  This will confuse everyone, including the officiant. You can make changes, but do so at the rehearsal.  That’s what it’s for. Be sure to specify what you expect of children and parents, as well.
3. Don’t look at the officiant while reciting or repeating your vows.  You’re marrying your partner, not the officiant.
4. Don’t carry on a conversation with someone in the congregation.  Being relaxed is one thing, but chattering on is just rude.
5. Don’t chew gum or tobacco during the ceremony.

Mostly, it is important to focus on the business at hand.  Everyone will enjoy themselves all the more and your ceremony will be one you can remember, in a good way, forever.

Preparing for the Unexpected

You’ve got all your ducks in a row.  The vendors are confirmed for your date, their bills are paid and your instructions to them are clear.  The venue has been decorated, the tuxes rented, gowns are pressed and every last detail has been arranged.  Still, there are some eventualities for which you cannot be prepared.  Last minute surprises can make or break the best-planned wedding.

How do you prepare for something you can’t predict?  What kind of indicators can give you a head’s up?

Consider Murphy’s Law, which states that if anything can possibly go wrong, it will.  What kinds of things can go wrong?  The flower girl steps on the train of the bridal gown and tears the dress.  Your maid of honor is a basket of nerves and gets so sick she can’t come.  The groomsmen are so hung-over from the bachelor party, they show up an hour late.  The florist delivers your order to the wrong venue.  The wedding cake slides off the cart en route and a new one has to be made.  The minister is tied up by a fender bender.  All of these are possibilities.

The best way to deal with any of these little crises is to roll with the punches.  Being delayed is the worst case scenario as the result of any of these situations.  While some fees may be tacked on to cover the late start, the ceremony can still go on.  And often, if the delay is beyond your control, late fees may be waived.

A torn dress can be tacked together with needle and thread.  Most venues have the changing room stocked with such supplies.  Sick maid of honor?  Chamomile or peppermint tea works wonders.  Hung-over groomsmen?  There is not much to be done after the fact, but a firm warning that such behaviour will result in the appearance of a bridezilla may be a sufficient deterrent.  Double-checking all deliveries so you confirm the address will hold faux pas on delivery at bay.  Last, accidents do happen, even to wedding officiants, but allowing plenty of travel time should avert distractions leading to a fender bender.

All in all, delays are uncomfortable, may be costly, and should be avoided whenever possible.  But they aren’t the end of the world, and the presentation of your ceremony can proceed in all its splendor in the long run.

What to Wear

What to Wear?

As a Wedding Officiant, my choices for attire are pretty simple.  I have a white, satin robe, a black suit, or a number of dresses in various colors to blend with the colors of the wedding party.  For the bride and groom, this choice may be a little more difficult.

Let’s start with the groom, because he is less likely to concern himself with appearances.  Most modern grooms take into consideration the colors he and the bride have selected, the venue and what is special about it, and his personal comfort, as well as the comfort of the groomsmen.  While black tuxedos are standard fair at church or formal weddings, generally speaking, wearing a vest in the color of the couple’s choosing, while maintaining the formality of the black tux can add personality to the clothing choice.

For less formal events or weddings on a budget, a sport suit suffices.  It is almost always the case, however, that the groomsmen and the groom match their clothing as much as possible.  Khakis and a sport shirt are nice for outdoor, summer weddings, and at the beach, cargo shorts and a Hawaiian shirt add flair.  Once again, it is the preference of the couple, but this can be based on preference, personality and budget.

Theme weddings, which are gaining in popularity and expense, call for different styles of attire, many of the details of which can be purchased at stores like Great Party.  Halloween costume stores or Vintage/Antique/Thrift stores can be excellent sources for theme clothing, but you may have to do a great deal of shopping around as sizes tend to be limited.  These weddings take a little extra work, but they are charming and promote the couple’s personality in a lovely way.  Some themes that couples enjoy are Hollywood, Flower Gardening, Steam Punk, Gay 90’s, Sports, Boating, Cowboy/Western, Motorcycling, etc.  Just about anything that is a big part of your life can be transformed into a theme for a one-of-a-kind wedding.

The bride’s attire is considered the centerpiece of the wedding ceremony, and often, her dress is one of the greatest expenses as her taste, figure, and dreams find expression in this one symbol.  Choices involve white or not; pearls, lace, sequins, rhinestones, or plain; fitted, gathered, ball gown, sweetheart, princess, etc.  Needless to say, the choices are endless, and prices can go anywhere from $500 to $5000.  Certainly, budget plays a part here, but if one is looking forward to an heirloom gown, mother’s may not fit.  Once again, shopping the Vintage circuit, whether it is antique stores, thrift stores, eBay, Etsy, or other online sources, you can find a dress to make your day special. Of course, there are other options for the ladies, just as there are for the gentlemen.  Poodle skirts for a 50’s theme are cute, bathing attire for the beach, ethnic costumes, etc. 

Anything goes in today’s wedding.  It should reflect your personality, the things that are important in your life and the feelings you wish to share and convey at this special time.