Destination Weddings

The popularity of weddings at a distance is increasing.  It is a way to combine the honeymoon with the wedding, and for at least part of the celebration, to bring your friends along.  Many couples prefer to have the simplicity of a charming wedding at a meaningful location, then throw a big party for the reception on their return.

Begin by deciding where you would like to have your wedding.  This is not just a matter of venue, as if you intend to have your ceremony locally.  It is a matter of what country, or island, or city, for example: Las Vegas or Maui or Italy.  Once you have decided upon the location, you will want to visit a travel agency (particularly if you want to be married overseas) to find out the cost, possible accommodations, and perhaps, if they have any specials or any package deals.  This will give you a framework to start with, as well as providing you with date options.  It’s important to be flexible about travel plans, because there may be certain dates that are booked.

Next, you will want to check into possible venues.  If you have gotten lucky and have found an acceptable package deal, this much is taken care of for you.  Otherwise, you will need to start from scratch, searching the web to find out what venues may be available in the locale you prefer.  Many cities have a website that offers connections to businesses in their area, but you will need to do a little research in order to find just what you’re looking for.

You will need to have hotel accommodations if you wish to stay overnight.  If you are choosing a cruise for your destination, this is already covered.  You will merely have to have your guests book the cruise as well.  Also, guests will need to make arrangements for hotel or, if you are paying their way, you may want to book a block of rooms for the duration.

The ceremony itself may be fairly easy to plan.  If you are going on a cruise, you can often make arrangements for the captain of the ship to perform the ceremony.  You may want your own officiant, so long as you pay for his or her accommodations.  If you are going to a remote location, you may need to do some digging to find out if there is a clergyman or officer who can perform the wedding.  Of course, places like Las Vegas have many wedding chapels which suit a variety of preferences.

Some couples report that they save a great deal of money by having their wedding at a special place, but this depends on what the budget allows and how long your stay.

Options

When you are sitting down with your professionals, the thing you most want is to have a variety of options presented to you so that you can choose what represents your interests, beliefs, and sometimes, your fantasies.  While some professionals are very open to things you may want to try, others are somewhat rigid in their thinking, when it comes to possibilities, and will try to limit your options, rather than open them up.  If they can give a reasonable explanation as to why they don’t suggest something in which you’re interested, all well and good, but if it just seems they have a limited view of things and seem to be strong-arming you to do something which would make less work for themselves, then perhaps you do not have a good fit with this professional and it is time to find someone who is more open-minded.  The last thing you want when you are planning is to have someone tell you what you want or don’t want for your ceremony or reception.  Nor do you want someone to play off your fears about Murphy’s Law, which states that if anything possibly can go wrong, it will.

The bottom line is that you want all of the options presented to you, so that you can make an informed decision which speaks to your hearts as a couple.  If you find someone filling in the blanks for you, it’s time to look elsewhere.

Dream Wedding?

What does it mean to have a dream wedding?  Some children grow up with an image in their minds that is highly detailed and specific as far as what they believe their wedding should look like, how it will be performed, what is said, and perhaps most important, where it will be.  Do they always get what they want?  Hopefully they will, but there is always that smidgen of doubt that says that there are going to be barriers which keep them from having the perfect wedding.

Let’s think about this for a minute.  When you were a child, did you get everything that you ever wanted?  Probably not.  If you did, it will be a lot harder for you to accept that you won’t have everything your way as an adult.  But logically, it stands to reason that the world is not going to give you things exactly the way you saw them when you were little.  No diamond tiara, no tropical island paradise.

I’m not trying to be a Debbie Downer here, but things just don’t look the same as we expected they would when we were young.  So there will have to be changes in the way you see your wedding.  You can still have special words spoken, you can still have lavish decorations, but if you wish to see through the eyes of a child, you are going to be a couple that is disgruntled and sad at the end of the day.  No one needs that kind of stress.

So look at things with your adult eyes and realize that you have a budget, large or small, but you can still have some amazing things.  Will it be a David Tutera production?  Probably not, but you can have silk flowers, crystals, the gown and tuxes, a special cake to top it all off and great music with which to dance the night away.

Marriage Counseling, Part 4: Shared Vision

One of the biggest challenges in married life is the prioritizing of expenditures and the saving of money.  If there are not sufficient funds to pay the bills, if there is an illness that reduces income significantly, the loss of a job for no apparent reason, all of these things can disrupt an otherwise smoothly-flowing marriage.  The cure to these problems is having a shared vision of what you want your future to look like.  If the two of you know where you’re going, what you want in the way of life’s journey, a home, family, the type of occupation, and the recreational aspects of your lives, it can go a long way to helping you to adjust when the vision is disrupted for whatever reason.

Like all aspects of married life, being able to talk about what you want in life is of the greatest importance.  Before you get to the point of committing to each other, you need to come to an agreement about where you want your marriage to go.  Where will you live, both geographically and socially?  Do you want a large house with all sorts of luxuries?  Or are you more inclined to have an ecologically-based small home with nooks and crannies for organizing life on a small scale?  Do you want to live in the city or the country?  What kinds of vehicles do you want?  Children?  How many?  How do you prepare if a child has special needs?  Do you want pets?  What kind of hobbies or crafts would you like to pursue?  What does a typical day look like in your perfect lifestyle?  Try to envision exactly what you would like your life to be like.  Share your views with your partner.  Write a couple of pages about it or draw the images that are most important to you.

Having a shared vision, an idea of an endpoint for your marriage, can help smooth out the wrinkles that life challenges can place in your way.  Once you create your ideal roadmap, it is a simple matter to develop a Plan B, which includes your options when things don’t go according to your regular plans.  Give it some serious thought and have a strategy to put into place, including things like additional education when career changes come, specialized day care for special needs children, a smaller home than you initially envision should your income be restricted, and so forth. 

When you have a shared vision and the challenges manifest, you are prepared, rather than overwhelmed, and have a path that you can safely and sincerely travel, drawing you closer as you succeed in dealing with those challenges.

Preparing for the Unexpected

You’ve got all your ducks in a row.  The vendors are confirmed for your date, their bills are paid and your instructions to them are clear.  The venue has been decorated, the tuxes rented, gowns are pressed and every last detail has been arranged.  Still, there are some eventualities for which you cannot be prepared.  Last minute surprises can make or break the best-planned wedding.

How do you prepare for something you can’t predict?  What kind of indicators can give you a head’s up?

Consider Murphy’s Law, which states that if anything can possibly go wrong, it will.  What kinds of things can go wrong?  The flower girl steps on the train of the bridal gown and tears the dress.  Your maid of honor is a basket of nerves and gets so sick she can’t come.  The groomsmen are so hung-over from the bachelor party, they show up an hour late.  The florist delivers your order to the wrong venue.  The wedding cake slides off the cart en route and a new one has to be made.  The minister is tied up by a fender bender.  All of these are possibilities.

The best way to deal with any of these little crises is to roll with the punches.  Being delayed is the worst case scenario as the result of any of these situations.  While some fees may be tacked on to cover the late start, the ceremony can still go on.  And often, if the delay is beyond your control, late fees may be waived.

A torn dress can be tacked together with needle and thread.  Most venues have the changing room stocked with such supplies.  Sick maid of honor?  Chamomile or peppermint tea works wonders.  Hung-over groomsmen?  There is not much to be done after the fact, but a firm warning that such behaviour will result in the appearance of a bridezilla may be a sufficient deterrent.  Double-checking all deliveries so you confirm the address will hold faux pas on delivery at bay.  Last, accidents do happen, even to wedding officiants, but allowing plenty of travel time should avert distractions leading to a fender bender.

All in all, delays are uncomfortable, may be costly, and should be avoided whenever possible.  But they aren’t the end of the world, and the presentation of your ceremony can proceed in all its splendor in the long run.

Asking the Right Questions

What questions should you ask your vendors?  Think about them before making the call.

You want to know first whether they are available for the date and time that you have decided upon.  When you hire vendors, you should have this slot decided upon before calling them.  Remember that they are receiving many calls, so expecting that they reserve your entire day is unrealistic.

Secondly, you want to know if they are in your price range.  Ask what the fee is.  But also ask if there are any conditions which allows for a discount, what those conditions are, and what prevents you from getting them.  In this day and age, many officiants allow special rates for elopement, which is where you have a short ceremony with just your witnesses.  Each officiant would have to say what conditions apply for him or her.  Others may have a sliding scale based on location, your income, and possibly, your age.  Be sure to ask.  Your officiant is perfectly willing to line these things out.

Third, you will need to find out if the vendor will travel to the location that you have in mind.  Distances are a great deterrent in these days of high gas prices, but if you are willing to pay a higher fee, most vendors will go almost anywhere.

Finally, any question that you can think of is fair game to ask your vendors.  If you write them down before you speak over the phone or before you meet in person, you will find that you are more satisfied because your vendors will be better able to meet your needs.

Selecting Rings

One of the biggest expenses for a wedding are the rings which will symbolize your commitment to one another for the rest of your lives.  Most people opt for the most beautiful rings they can comfortably afford.  However, some people are opting for new twists in this regard.  There are several ways of showing commitment creatively without such great expense and, some people feel, are more meaningful than expensive jewelry.

One variation is getting tattoos on the ring fingers.  These, of course, are permanent.  The tattoos are meant to show the depth and permanence of the intention to commit for life.  They can be as ornate and beautiful as the creativity of the couple and artist can achieve.  The problem with this is that not even couples whose intention becomes a part of their physical bodies can assure that their marriage does, in fact, last a lifetime.  As with all tattoos, should the marriage end, it may become rather awkward.

Another variation I have seen is the use of rubber O-rings, which are worn on the understanding that while marriage may not be perfect, the rules thereof can be stretched and twisted, like the O-ring, but the marriage will not break.  This is charming and a very symbolic sentiment, though the rings may not be suitable for wearing with all clothing choices.

I have also seen couples who have woven, knitted or crocheted rings.  These can be varied in color to match clothing choices, and still use the concept of stretching a point as the O-rings above, but may be more fashionable.

Whatever you choose for your rings, they are, indeed, a symbol of the depth and strength of your commitment to love one another for the rest of your lives.

Writing Your Own Vows

Writing your own vows is becoming more popular these days. Some couples prefer not to, because they really don’t know what to say. But it might be easier than you may think.
Start by speaking from your heart. You are telling the most important person in your life not only how you feel about him or her, but what you want to happen in the years to come. You are making promises, expressing your hopes, your commitment, and perhaps, maybe even some fears. All of those things are okay.

The best way to do this is to be yourself. Your reason for writing your own vows was so that you don’t have to say the awkward, flowery vows that the officiant comes up with, or the old boring vows that have been said and heard since the Stone Age.

Here are some hints:
• Start by thinking about how you met, what you first noticed about your partner.

• Tell her or him what there is that excites you or brings you joy when you’re together.

• Move on to why you decided that right now is the time to commit to marriage.

• Say two or three things that you want to happen for the future in your relationship.

• Express in your own words what will show your partner that you are committed in the long term.
You can do it! Don’t let a few words get in your way.

Rituals

Rituals are those things that add a little color and flair to a ceremony. They can be as simple as signing the marriage license following vows, or as symbolic as planting a flower or tree to watch the growth of a relationship. Many people are familiar with the Unity Candle as a standby, and with the boom in outdoor weddings, the use of the Sands of Unity, which uses two or more colors of sand to symbolize the union of a couple or a family, is becoming regarded as something very special. Some couples wish to honor beloved ones who have passed over.

Handfasting is a ritual that comes to us from the Pagan culture, but it is a beautiful symbol of the joining of two people. It requires 18 feet of three colors of ribbon which can be pre-braided to make a beautiful wrap. The right hands are placed side by side, the cord is wrapped crossways around the wrists from one to the other, seven times to make a blessing. The ends of the cord are then placed in the hands, which are pulled out to form a knot, which then becomes a keepsake. If desired, a reading about the significance of all the blessings that come from the hands can be read during the wrapping, or music can be played.

Slideshows are not common at weddings, but if there is a significant amount of photo footage available, displaying the progress of the relationship, from the time a couple meets to the time of proposal is a lovely detail that everyone can enjoy. Of course, this can also be a highlight of the reception.

Ceremonies that allow the guests to participate in blessing the couple are nice and can be done before, during or after the ceremony. Stones can be given to each person before seating. During the ceremony, a blessing is placed on the stone, then they are collected and presented to the bride and groom. Some couples ask that each person pass by the rings which are displayed on a pillow and offer a blessing. Coins can be blessed, then collected and placed in a bag. Next they are thrown out onto the ground. The couple collects the coins to save as a nest egg for their new home.

Whatever you choose to do, your ceremony should reflect the feelings that you have for each other and who you are as a couple.

May you be richly blessed!

Year's End Weddings

While it may be just the heat of the moment that sparks that desire to marry at the end of the year, there are also practical reasons, such as getting a nice bonus on your tax return. At any rate, finding the perfect words to bless your union is the job of the Wedding Officiant. He or she, in spite of the last minute notice, is capable to finding just the right message that will make this wedding memorable. Just because you are looking for someone to witness your vows at the end of the year, you do not have to settle for second rate. Quite often, officiants aren't as busy, so finding one who is willing to work around the holidays is easy enough, given a day or two.
The thing you will want to think about is what is important to the two of you. What are your interests, your hobbies, your hopes for the future? If you can convey these to your officiant, even with short notice, he or she should be able to create a charming, memorable, and inspirational ceremony that will keep you smiling for years to come.

Winter Weddings

Winter weddings take a little more planning than those carefree, rain-free summer days, but they offer a chance to really let your creativity shine. As most winter weddings are, as a necessity here in the North, indoors, the decor becomes part of the memory and effect that you wish to create. Consider going to the dollar stores where you can find silk flowers, ribbon, crepe paper, etc. to make decorations that will be stunning to your guests and easy on your pocketbook. Afraid they will look cheap, just because they are? Once put together they will dazzle your guests just as much as high-priced decorations. Just employ your imagination and let yourself enjoy the savings.

Time to Plan!

The wedding season of 2010 is coming quickly. For those of you planning nuptials for this season, now is the time to begin your plans. You may wish to have two or three choices of date in case there is a date conflict. Also, if you have a time selected, it will help your vendors schedule. Generally speaking, the sooner you begin to work on wedding, the more likely you will be able to have your date/time confirmed.

You will want to secure a venue, make arrangements with an officiant, and line up your other vendors--florist, musicians/DJ and photographer--as well as selecting and confirming friends and loved ones who will be in your ceremony. Then comes time to shop for invitations, gowns and tuxes, decorations, the cake and any other special flourishes such as a limousine or horse-drawn carriage.

Venue: You will want to choose a location that is convenient for you and your guests, including size and parking. It should be pleasing to you, aesthetically, within the limits of your budget. If it offers the services you need, including catering (or allows for outside catering), it is time to consult the proprietor about booking your date. If you will be decorating or having a rehearsal, be sure to schedule these at the time of booking. Consider also, if you will be having your ceremony and reception in the same place or whether you will need a reservation for each separately.

Officiant: When you have your venue(s) it is time to line up an officiant. In most churches where you are a member, the minister offers this service at no charge, however, an honorarium in line with the budget of your ceremony is always appreciated. If you are having a wedding at a public location, such as a park, at the beach, near a monument or in the back garden of your own or someone else's home, your church minister will probably bow out. This being the case, you may want to consult Craig's List, your local newspaper/buyer's guide, online sites such as WedPlan (www.wedplan.com) or even via online search to locate itinerant officiants who are ordained and are non-denominational. They will always respect the preferences of your Spiritual values. They generally have very reasonable rates, offer a wide variety of ceremony styles and options and are very flexible. They want to make sure your dreams for your day come true. Try to find a member of the American Association of Wedding Officiants or other such honorary society, as they are more experienced and acknowledged by their peers. If you settle for Uncle Bill who has bought an online ordination just for the purpose of performing your wedding and saving you money, you are doing yourself a disservice.

Florist: You will have to choose between fresh flowers and silk flowers. Each has a benefit, but generally speaking, silk flowers will be much less expensive, will keep forever, and can be arranged equally as beautifully as the real thing. Select a florist who understands what you want and is dedicated to providing you exactly that. Make sure the florist can deliver your flowers or is flexible with pickup times if you prefer to do this. If you prefer, you can also make your own silk arrangements. Don't rule out selecting flowers from major hobby stores, dollar stores, and chain stores that have large wedding sections. You will need wire snippers, floral tape, and hot glue to make these arrangements and may also wish to use wide ribbon to decorate them.

Musicians/DJ: You will need to choose between live musicians, a DJ, or music from the family stereo if you wish to have music at all. All of these choices are acceptable, according to your taste, location of the ceremony and your budget. Begin by thinking what song(s) are special to you. More often than not, couples are bypassing traditional music in favor of beloved popular songs that are especially meaningful to them. Once you know what music you want, it will be easier to decide who or how you want the music played. Realize, however, that if you are having your ceremony in a remote park by a river, that there isn't likely to be electricity, if you want to use a stereo. Musicians should be accomplished enough to play the songs that you select. A DJ should be willing to attend your rehearsal, the ceremony and your reception, if you choose this option.

Photographer: Your photographer will have many packages to fit any budget. Prepare a list of pictures that you want, separating the "must haves" from "would likes" so that you can more easily select a package that fits your budget. Ask the photographer what packages they offer, whether they will take pictures before, during and after the ceremony and during the reception. Ask to see samples of his/her work and get references if you can. If you need to watch your budget, perhaps a friend or relative is willing to take photos. You probably know someone who has an artistic inclination and would be more than happy to take your photos for the cost of film and development.

The Wedding Party: This may be the most difficult decision you have to make. Depending upon how many close friends and family you have, you will want to give as many of them as possible a role in creating your wedding. Perhaps a choice depends upon a close friend and sister who is pregnant. You love your sister, but it wouldn't do if she began delivery during the ceremony. So perhaps a better contribution would be to ask your sister to make the silk floral arrangements. You will also want to consider who can afford to buy the dresses and pay for the tuxes, as it is traditional for the attendants to pay for their clothing and accessories. The next question is how many attendants to have. Again, this is dependent on other factors--the location of your ceremony, (i.e. indoor or outdoor), the budget, and how many friends or loved ones you wish to honor by inviting them to participate. Usually, priorities are sisters/brothers of the bride and groom, the closest circle of friends, nieces and nephews or grandchildren to serve as ringbearer/flower girl and finally, children of friends. Also, the bride should be aware of whether she wishes to be "given away" and who will do this. While traditionally, it is generally the biological father who serves this function, modern weddings include mothers, older children, brothers and sisters, or an especially close friend. Some brides prefer to present themselves and this is perfectly all right, too.


Invitations: There are many graphics designers who have beautiful options for your invitations. You will want to make sure that all of your vendors, venues, family and friends are confirmed on board before going to select invitations and other paper products with your wedding date on them. That is because these items are costly and changing the date midstream is not possible. Once they're printed, they're printed. You will need to know: the date of your ceremony, the colors that you will have in your wedding, your flower choices, the theme of your wedding (check with your officiant if you are unsure) and your preference of the type of card. Again, if budgetary concerns are involved, these can be made on your home computer at a significant savings, but the type of card itself will have limitations. You will, however, be able to get most types of papers at office supply or art supply stores.

Gowns and Tuxedos: Five months before the ceremony, you will want to select your apparel. This allows plenty of time for fittings, refittings and alterations. By now, you will have selected the colors for your wedding. Now you will need to decide whether to limit formal wear to your wedding party, or to include your escort (the person giving away the bride), mothers, fathers, ushers, mistress and master of ceremonies or any other person you prefer. When you have all of them chosen, try to arrange a date when all of you can go to the bridal shop to select your formal wear. Consider the weather conditions expected for the time of year that you are having the ceremony, particularly if your ceremony will be out of doors. You will want something that won't be ruined if it is rained on or something that doesn't cause anyone to faint if it is horribly hot. Price may dictate what your choices are, and if need be, you can find nice alternatives at any department store. Many couples are having their attendants purchase dresses/suits that are a similar color, but different styles. Shop until you find exactly what you want at the right price according to your tastes.

The Cake: Four months before the ceremony is a busy time. Begin by selecting a baker for your cake. Your favorite bakery can provide a beautiful cake, however, there are many vendors out there who specialize specifically in wedding cakes and can provide a cake according the theme of your wedding decorations or your favorite activity or sport. You should be able to find these vendors on Craig's List, in the newspaper, the Yellow Pages, online or your local buyer's guide. You may also check with your caterer to see if he/she makes cakes or can recommend someone. The baker will be able to share options that are available and may have some special ideas that you hadn't thought of before. Let your imagination go wild! Again, price is a consideration, but don't assume that the corner bakery will have a better price than a private wedding cake baker.

Decorations: Four months ahead of the ceremony, you should begin shopping for decorations. If you are having a themed wedding, such as "Seaside" or "Cinderella" or "Roses" or "Harley-Davidson" it will make your choice of decorations much easier. These conjure up ideas very quickly. But if your ceremony is going to be more low key, you may need colored crepe paper, bells, tinsel, a lattice screen with flowers and a "Just Married" sign. Consider also, centerpieces for your tables, favors for your guests, table cloths and chair covers, (some venues already have these) and floral arrangements. You are limited only by your budget and how you would like your "grand ball" or "hoe down" to be. If you are having difficulty finding something you really would like to have, contact any of your vendors, including your officiant. They may be able to find it for you or suggest where you can get it.

Food: Two or three months before the ceremony, you will want to decide how you will feed your guests. Many brides prefer to save everyone the headache of preparing large amounts of food and opt for a caterer. Some venues provide food and will offer a variety of choices. They will have expert advisors on staff to assist with your choices. Beyond that, your personal tastes will dictate what you want to serve. When budget requires, friends and family are often perfectly happy to contribute food dishes for a grand feast. This is particularly nice for outdoor weddings. Don't think that you must take "pot luck" under these circumstances, as most family members will be happy to prepare whatever you would like to serve.

Transportation: If you wish to make a statement with your entrance, consider a special mode of transportation for your arrival, two to three months in advance. How you will arrive at the ceremony is often as important as your walk down the aisle. Many couples like a limousine or a horse-drawn carriage or a motorcycle entrance. Whatever you choose, make sure that you schedule it so that you are within a certain timeframe for arriving at your ceremony and if they will take you through town to celebrate afterward.

The Guest List: Begin preparing your guest list two months before the ceremony. You may have a guest list that needs to be trimmed to align with the capacity of your venue. Consider that often, guests opt to attend the reception, rather than the ceremony itself, so if you are have two venues, think in terms of where the reception will be as to how many guests you can invite. Beyond that, again it is a matter of budget. Try to do this step together with your fiance, so that no one is thoughtlessly left out. If there is someone who is a problem person, discuss whether this person should be invited at all. Talk to him/her beforehand and express your concerns. You want all of your guests to be comfortable and to have a good time.

Six weeks before the ceremony, you will want to send out your invitations. Including cards for your guests to RSVP, provide a date by which you wish to have them back. Check with your caterer to determine by what date she needs the total number of guests.

The Rehearsal is more and more a thing of the past. I suggest to my couples with large numbers of attendants or groups that include small children to have one, but for small groups it is rarely a necessity. Tradition does call for a rehearsal dinner, which is provided by the groom's family, and this can be as simple or complex as your tastes dictate. Often, decorating the venue follows the rehearsal. Have a crew of volunteers who know what you want assist with this process. Many hands make light work. Don't forget tape, scissors, hooks or any other items necessary for putting up your decor.

The Ceremony: The day of the ceremony should be totally devoted to preparation for the ceremony. If the bride and bridesmaids have hair appointments, be sure your hairdressers are reliable and your appointments early enough to allow for unforseen problems. That is, allow an extra hour or two. Many weddings are unnecessarily postponed because the hairdresser didn't finish the bride's hair soon enough.

Be sure to allocate who will pick up and pass out/apply the flowers. Have one person who will pick up and set up the cake (if the baker doesn't do this). Assign one person to get the marriage license to the officiant half an hour before the ceremony. Assign one person to help the bride dress, including having last minute safety-pins, deodorant, tissues, hairspray, feminine products, hand lotion, nail files and a calming voice. Assign one of the groomsmen to assist the groom with his appearance and have on hand the pins, deodorant, hair gel, tissues, etc. that he may need at the last minute also.

If you have opted not to have a rehearsal it is important that everyone in the bridal party--those who will be a part of the ceremony, be introduced to the officiant, so she can help by making sure everyone is ready and lined up when it is time to start. Personally, I like to coordinate between the ladies and the gentlemen, so that everything comes together smoothly. Once everyone is dressed, emotions are calmed and the lineup is made, the music begins, and the ceremony takes place in all its splendor. You have a prepared a feast for the senses!

The Off Season

This is considered the "off season" when it comes to weddings, and as an officiant, the "extra" time is useful for studying trends in wedding preferences, writing new vows and ceremonies, coming up with new and varied rituals with special, heartfelt meanings, and touching in with couples who really want to get a jump on their planning for next season. The pace is a little slower, yet, for those of us who are always looking into the future for what will be new and exciting, it is time to get out of the box and seriously think of something different.
Yes, it may be a means of putting us ahead of the next guy, to grab a greater portion of market share, but really, to me it means giving better service, being more efficient, offering more touching options and being able to provide nothing less than the best for my couples. It means making sure that my equipment is in top condition, including my car, so that I can be where I need to be when I need to be there. It means getting the PA to work without crackling. It means checking the wardrobe so that robes, suits and dresses are all dry-cleaned and repaired and the shoes shined. It means thinking ahead so that every contingency has been covered so the day of each wedding in the upcoming season, I am prepared, and prepared not only for what I have to do, but also prepared in case some other party to the wedding happens to drop the ball. So I restock my "gig back" with tissues, deodorant, bobby pins, hairspray, pins, needle and thread, lint roller, .....on it goes, because I'm not just there to do my part, I'm there to make sure that my couples have the most beautiful and perfect memory that is possible.

Outdoors or Indoors

I live in Michigan. The weather here is questionable, day to day, yet there is something alluring about the backyard wedding, not only because it saves money, but because it lends a comforting touch to the nerves. So what does one do, when all the plans have been made for an outdoor wedding and the meteorologist says it's going to rain on your wedding day?

The quick answer is to rent tents or canopies to protect the lovely clothing your guests will be wearing. Or, some people like to have a rented hall where their reception is going to be, as a backup in case of inclement weather. The final option is to grin and bear it, hoping that the rain will not come down too hard.

As an officiant, I have put the ceremony script into plastic page protectors and the cover into a plastic binder so that the lovely wording is saved and the couple will have a good-as-new copy of their ceremony as a keepsake. So long as everyone is enjoying the idea of "running through the sprinkles" there is nothing wrong with moving ahead with the ceremony, in spite of the occasional shower.

I had a beach wedding recently in which this very thing happened. The sweet couple would not be deterred from their nuptials by dark clouds and sudden downpours. The wedding party and the guests proceeded to the beach in style and there was such joyful laughter as the raindrops tickled our noses that this ceremony will stay in the memory banks of everyone who attended as something very special.

And did you know it is good luck to be rained upon on your wedding day?

Warm regards,
Rev. Sandra J. Bogner-Follett

Sample Ceremony

The Ceremony
Of
The Gems of Love
Prelude

Processional:

Convocation: Greetings to all of you, both family and friends of __________ and ____________. It is their great pleasure to welcome you to witness their vows of love and commitment on this most joyous day.

Invocation: Let us pray: Almighty God, we ask your presence and your blessings as ______ and _____ take this step of committing their lives to one another. We ask that you would encourage their loving hearts as they make their vows today, so that the promises they make will last for the rest of their lives, knowing that their love is a valued gem. Amen.

Who gives this woman to be married?

The Address: As two people come together in that first meeting, it is not always apparent that the outcome will be lifelong love. While there may be the awareness that there is something different about the other, it may take several days or meetings before one realizes that this person has touched one’s heart. Like beautiful gemstones that grow in the earth, changing and becoming ever more beautiful over time, assisted by the pressure of the shifting earth; heat or cold; moisture and drought, so too, do relationships become more beautiful because of the challenges and stresses that a couple experience in their lifetimes.

Gems of Love

Your first meeting is represented by the emerald,
full of curiosity and excitement and attraction.
As you become acquainted and interested in pursuing each other,
The fiery, exciting ruby symbolizes your love.
As you grow to appreciate each other in all of your aspects,
It is the simple white pearl that expresses the layers of knowing
And when you are ready to make a lifetime commitment
It is the diamond, created through heat and pressure,
That symbolizes your willingness to undergo the challenges of life together.
And finally, as you have spent years and years of learning each other’s strengths, weaknesses, and the hidden parts of each other’s nature, it is the beautiful, shining amber, which reveals the innermost history,
that blesses your lives forevermore.


Though life is never cast in stone—there are no guarantees—knowing that you have a partner to support you through the tests and trials of everyday life makes it easier to get beyond those challenges. You are able to do this by ensuring a safe place where both of you can communicate your needs and wants, your silent sufferings, your hopes and dreams, and the delights in the little things you experience every day. And so, your love grows from both directions, like nature’s beautiful stalactite and stalagmite in a crystal cave. The love that you share eventually connects to create an amazing pillar of great strength. It is the contribution made by each of you, acting in harmony, that makes your love something beautiful to behold, as well as creating and establishing a relationship that will stand the test of time.
In addition, by seeking to delight each other with simple pleasures, being open to new adventures, and making your relationship the single most important thing in your lives, you have the prescription for happiness.

Consecration: As you, ____, and you, ____, make your vows this day, know that you are becoming complete, within and without. You now become part of a cherished team, a source of wonder and delight. May you be blessed with every vision of happiness that you have hoped for and may you step forward with the knowledge that this relationship is destined to become a beautiful gem.

Expression of Intent: With the knowledge of the fullness of commitment and the permanence of your vows, have you come here today freely for the intention of marriage?

______ and ____ say, “We have.”

The Vows:

Do you, _______, take ________ to be your lawfully wedded wife? Do you promise to love, honor, respect and cherish her, support her through challenges and the full expression of her dreams? Do you promise to protect her, encourage her, and share the remainder of your life with her?

________ says, “I do.”

Do you, _______, take ________ to be your lawfully wedded husband? Do you promise to love, honor, respect and cherish him, support him through challenges and the full expression of his dreams? Do you promise to protect him, encourage him, and share the remainder of your life with him?

________ says, “I do.”

May I please have the rings?

Rings symbolize the union of soul unto soul, forming a perfect circle. They are made of precious metal, which symbolizes the great value that is placed upon your union, strong enough to last a lifetime. Bless, O Lord, these rings to be a symbol by which this man and this woman have committed themselves to one another. Amen.

Optional: Unity Candle, Sands of Unity, toast, or other ritual.

___, Please place this ring on ___’s third finger and repeat after me:

“I give you this ring as a symbol of the love, honor and trust that we share. The gem that is our love will grow more beautiful and perfect as time goes on.”

___, Please place this ring on ___’s third finger and repeat after me:

“I give you this ring as a symbol of the love, honor and trust that we share. The gem that is our love will grow more beautiful and perfect as time goes on.”

The Pronouncement: As you, ___ and you, _______, have stated your vows before this audience and exchanged the symbols by which your marriage shall be known, it gives me great pleasure to pronounce you husband and wife.

Optional: Signing of the Marriage License

You may kiss!

Benediction: May your marriage be blessed with all the wonder and delight that you have experienced this day and may be a gem of a relationship through the end of your lives. May the Lord bless you and keep you, may he make his face to shine upon you and give you peace.

Recessional:

Receiving Line

Copyright 2007 by Samm J. Bogner

About Rev. Sandra

I have been ordained as a non-denominational minister in the State of Michigan for 11 years and have been performing wedding ceremonies/commitments for 9 years now. I have performed over 300 unique and beautiful ceremonies.

Why do I do this? Because I love being around happy couples on a day that means so much to them, and I derive great joy in helping them create a beautiful memory that will be with them for the rest of their lives.

I believe that the most important thing on Wedding Day is that the two of you have a ceremony that you can look back on with fondness because it speaks to who you are as a couple and the feelings that you have for each other.

I use the symbolism that is meaningful for you, that tells your guests where you are going in your lives, help you select rituals that symbolize your unity and love, and touch your guests hearts.

I believe it is not necessary to have a ceremony that lasts hours to bring out the true story of your lives, past, present and future. The beauty that reveals the two of you takes little time and is even more memorable because of it.

I am located in Muskegon, Michigan, however, I would be happy to refer you to someone in your area who holds similar philosophies regarding weddings, via the American Association of Wedding Officiants.

Storybook Weddings

Storybook Weddings is more than an idea. It is a philosophy that you, as a couple, should be able to choose the exact kind of ceremony that will be a treasure all of your lives. You should truly love every part of your ceremony, which is more than the dress, the shoes, the tuxes, the flowers...it is the thoughts and feelings that you hold inside of you on this very special day in which you are letting go of that part of you that is solitary in order to join with another, your beloved, yet still retaining your own identity. It is about presenting who you are and who you, as a couple, will be, now that you have become two and yet, one again.

Storybook Weddings will help you plan your ceremony. The elements you want will be included, those you don't want will be edited out. Your satisfaction is my command. I will help you find what you're looking for, regardless of what that may be. I will provide poetry, or not; Biblical passages, or not; rituals, or not; a brief message, or not. You are in complete control of what is to be said, how it will be said, and when. I am there to guide you and help you find your perfect ceremony.

How to Choose a Wedding Officiant

You're getting married. Congratulations! This is a big step forward in your life and you want your day to reflect who the two of you are as a couple and the feelings that you have for each other. Right? You don't want your officiant/minister/celebrant/preacher telling you what "should" be said. This is about the two of you--what you want and feel.

So number one on your list of questions to ask an officiant, is, "Do we get to choose what will be said, how long the ceremony is, what rituatls will be included, etc?" If your officiant is worth her salt (or his) the answer will be ABSOLUTELY! He or she should be flexible when it comes to what you want in your ceremony, how long it should be, what is included--which should be what you want and nothing you don't want. By all means, listen to the suggestions that he or she makes, but the final decision is yours.