What You Must Have in Your Ceremony

Your wedding ceremony is a presentation which contains all of the legal requirements that transform a couple of single individuals into a married couple.  The language therein is arranged with all of the necessary wording to accomplish that fact. When it comes down to it, there is little that must be said, and a lot that makes the money you spent on your ceremony worthwhile.  You will want your ceremony to reflect your feelings and express who you are as a couple. The ceremony script should express how you feel, but also, include nothing that you feel is irrelevant. It is important that you communicate this to your officiant.

What, then, is a required part of the ceremony, and what is for appearances?  Let’s run through the ceremony skeleton and see what we can find.

The first segment is the Prelude.  This is, generally, the music that is played while guests are being seated.  It is entirely optional and fairly difficult without a large sound system, if your ceremony is to be out or doors.

Next is the Processional.  This is also music, but it is played while the wedding party is approaching the area where they will stand for the rest of the ceremony, i.e. the front of the church, a stage, the water’s edge if near a lake, etc.  Even if you have no Prelude, a Processional is nice to have, but it, too, is not a required part of the ceremony.

The Convocation is the third part of the ceremony.  This is where the officiant or a designated individual introduces bride and groom, welcomes your guests and/or invites them to witness the union.  This is usually brief, often stated in traditional ceremonies as, “Dearly Beloved…etc.”  This too is optional.

The Invocation is next.  It may be a religious prayer or a secular wish of goodwill toward the bride and groom.  It is not legally required, but its presence may nicely set the tone for the rest of the ceremony.

Following the Invocation is the Dedication.  This is the part where the Officiant asks, “Who gives this woman to be married?” for example.  Again, this is completely optional, particularly if the bride has not chosen to be escorted up the aisle.

At this point comes what I think of as the entertainment portion of the ceremony.  It includes the Address, which involves a message that can include how the bride and groom have come together, what they think about each other, and advice that may seem appropriate.  This would be the section of the ceremony in which there might be passages of scripture, poems, literary readings and music. This part should be long enough to be interesting and entertaining, yet short enough so that your guests won’t fall asleep.  This, too, is optional.

Now we come to the required parts of the ceremony.  There is the Expression of Intent. This is merely a statement, such as, “Have you come here for the purpose of marriage?”  Both parties answer in unison, “We do,” or something similar.

If the couple wish to share personal messages with each other, this is a nice spot for them to do so.

Once that is done, the Officiant may say the Consecration.  Not required, it is a form of blessing. Some people like to say one of several Old Irish Blessings.

Next come the Vows.  While it may be as simple as, “Do you, (name), take (name), to be your wedded wife/husband” followed by, “I do,” they can also be poetic and lengthy.  These are required.

Following the Vows, some couples like to have more entertainment, such as music, another reading, or a Unity Ceremony, which can involve flowers, water, sand, candles, hand tying, or planting a flower bulb, a tree, or other symbolic ceremony.  All of this is optional, but ideally represents the couple’s feelings.

Next comes the Blessing of the Rings, which is also optional and can be either religious or secular, simple or poetic.  It precedes the Exchange of the Rings, in which the bride and groom place their rings on each other’s fingers. This can be done with or without vows, such as, “With this ring, I thee wed.”

Immediately following is the Pronouncement of the couple as husband and wife.  This is required.

Some couples like to save the signing of the Marriage License for this part of the ceremony, but it can also be signed following the end. It should be noted that there must be two witnesses of legal age to sign the license. This is a legal requirement.

Most couples like to seal their vows with a kiss at this point.  After that, the Officiant may introduce the couple to their guests as Mr. and Mrs. (names) followed by the Benediction, which is another blessing.  All of these parts are optional as well.

The couple goes out of the church/etc. during the Recessional, often followed by a Receiving Line, in which the bridal party and relatives receive the well-wishes the guests.  Some will do this immediately after the wedding, while others like to save this for the reception/party afterward.

It is important for a couple to choose the parts of the ceremony which reflect their feelings and to advocate for themselves with the professionals who will make the ceremony special for their wedding day.  A good Officiant will guide you through the script and create a memorable ceremony that you can remember for the rest of your lives.

Marriage Counseling, Part 3

If a couple has not set up housekeeping prior to the wedding, the adjustment to each other’s routines and private quirks can be jarring.  Not only does it take time to adjust, but there are worries about finances and housekeeping, time to spend with each other, time to spend with family and friends, and all sorts of little things that need to be worked out so that each of you is satisfied and not imposed upon. 

Making sure that you have set aside a specific time allotment each day to talk over your day, including things that may be uncomfortable to talk about, will help ease the friction that comes in your shared lives.  It is important that you keep your feelings in check while discussing these problems, because for one to say they find a problem with a certain behaviour, takes a great deal of courage.  It is not intended to hurt you, rather it is intended to indicate that a certain behaviour is bothersome or hurtful.  Listen, explain if need be, and then accept that there may have to be some changes.  Putting in the effort to keep your home harmonious is one of the most important things you can do to keep your marriage happy.  The difference between a good marriage and a bad one is that the parties actually try.  They work at making things good between them.  If you do so, it will go a long way toward setting the pattern of a lifetime of love.

Creating Invitations

For those with summer or autumn weddings, now is the time to get your invitations sent out, if you haven’t already done so.  The days of spending hours going through the printers sample books to select the perfect invitations are passé.  There are plenty of computer graphics programs which will help you design and print out your invitations. You can make them as flamboyant or as simple as you like and you can embellish them with ribbon, scrapbook lettering, ink stamps, appliqués and just about anything that you can imagine.

Most invitations these days follow in line with the theme of your wedding.  If your colors are the only theme that you are presenting, chances are, you will want your invitations to reflect that simplicity.  But if your theme is something like the Mad Hatter’s Tea Party, for example, you may want to have little hat cutouts, some netting, ribbon, perhaps a patch of felt, and, of course, tea cups!  Your invitations become the template for your decorations for your wedding and reception.

Of course, it is unnecessary to go to all that intricacy if you merely want to make sure that all of your aunts, uncles, cousins and dear friends receive notice that you request the honor of their presence at your nuptials.  Wording is sometimes everything.  Lettering is also something special these days, as we have so many font options to choose from. Wording and lettering should reflect your personalities and the level of seriousness or playfulness that you want your ceremony to reflect.  Traditional wording acknowledges the invitation coming from the parents.  More modern invitations, or invitations from couples who have been down the path before, generally state that the couple is requesting the honor.

Formal or casual, simple or exotic, if the invitations reflect who you are as a couple and the impressions you would like to give your guests, you can’t go wrong.

Considering Elopement

For many people, the time and money that must be invested in a large, luxurious wedding is beyond the scope of their finances or may be beyond the scope of the time they have for planning.  Perhaps the important thing for a couple is to say some words that they might not have the opportunity to say to their partner.  Perhaps having the chance to just look each other in the eyes, proclaim love, and put those rings on each other’s fingers, without a great deal of hooplah is what will be the most memorable.  Whatever the reason, whether money, time or just plain preference, elopement may be just enough for what you desire.

What, exactly, is an elopement?  Usually, elopement is when you make an appointment with a magistrate to have your five minutes of time, exchange rings and be pronounced husband and wife at the fall of a gavel.  However, more and more wedding officiants are offering this service at a discount of their usual rate.  They may have a specific place in mind where they offer the service:  an office, their home, a park, or a beach.  Suffice it to say that the settings will be limited.   They will also only allow a small number of guests, usually immediate family or a few close friends, generally less than 10 people all together.  You will need to have the usual two witnesses to sign the license, which you must get prior to the ceremony according to the laws of your state.  You can expect that an elopement ceremony with an officiant or minister to be a little longer than one performed by a judge or magistrate, and it may allow for a little depth of meaning, but it won’t be as long as a large ceremony with all the trimmings.

To find out if an officiant does elopements, you may need to ask or visit his or her website.  I have decided to do them this year, as the economy tightens its belt. 

May your wedding become a beautiful story!

Selecting Rings

One of the biggest expenses for a wedding are the rings which will symbolize your commitment to one another for the rest of your lives.  Most people opt for the most beautiful rings they can comfortably afford.  However, some people are opting for new twists in this regard.  There are several ways of showing commitment creatively without such great expense and, some people feel, are more meaningful than expensive jewelry.

One variation is getting tattoos on the ring fingers.  These, of course, are permanent.  The tattoos are meant to show the depth and permanence of the intention to commit for life.  They can be as ornate and beautiful as the creativity of the couple and artist can achieve.  The problem with this is that not even couples whose intention becomes a part of their physical bodies can assure that their marriage does, in fact, last a lifetime.  As with all tattoos, should the marriage end, it may become rather awkward.

Another variation I have seen is the use of rubber O-rings, which are worn on the understanding that while marriage may not be perfect, the rules thereof can be stretched and twisted, like the O-ring, but the marriage will not break.  This is charming and a very symbolic sentiment, though the rings may not be suitable for wearing with all clothing choices.

I have also seen couples who have woven, knitted or crocheted rings.  These can be varied in color to match clothing choices, and still use the concept of stretching a point as the O-rings above, but may be more fashionable.

Whatever you choose for your rings, they are, indeed, a symbol of the depth and strength of your commitment to love one another for the rest of your lives.

Writing Your Own Vows

Writing your own vows is becoming more popular these days. Some couples prefer not to, because they really don’t know what to say. But it might be easier than you may think.
Start by speaking from your heart. You are telling the most important person in your life not only how you feel about him or her, but what you want to happen in the years to come. You are making promises, expressing your hopes, your commitment, and perhaps, maybe even some fears. All of those things are okay.

The best way to do this is to be yourself. Your reason for writing your own vows was so that you don’t have to say the awkward, flowery vows that the officiant comes up with, or the old boring vows that have been said and heard since the Stone Age.

Here are some hints:
• Start by thinking about how you met, what you first noticed about your partner.

• Tell her or him what there is that excites you or brings you joy when you’re together.

• Move on to why you decided that right now is the time to commit to marriage.

• Say two or three things that you want to happen for the future in your relationship.

• Express in your own words what will show your partner that you are committed in the long term.
You can do it! Don’t let a few words get in your way.

Cold Feet

There are a few of my couples who have experienced cold feet. They go through all of the planning, start looking at the costs, think about how their lives will change, what they will have to do to keep a marriage on course, and they go into a panic. Rarely does this stop them from going through with the wedding, but it can create some very uncomfortable days until everything is back on target.

Planning and communication are the sure-fire ways of making these things work out. By working together, making sure all of the bases are covered for the wedding itself, talking about what has been accomplished, what has yet to be done, talking about the feelings that you have, including how the ceremony and reception will affect your finances, you come to realize what a great team you are, how you solve problems, and that together, you can overcome whatever is before you.
You may find that you have to prioritize desires for your ceremony. Some thing are very important to each of you, other things you can let go of without it negatively affecting you on an emotional level. Some things are just beyond your budget. Part of being a mature, married couple is knowing when you have to make do with what you have. If you have your heart set on something, you may have to make a trade-off. Together, you can make these choices.

The thing that you must avoid at all costs is manipulation. Don’t try to deceive one another or surprise one another with what you think your partner wants or something that you want, but you think you will be able to trick your partner into wanting in the end. This is a sign that you have some growing to do, and you need to face that.

Marriage is about making an unstoppable team. You can be a part of it, or you can break it. What choice will you make?
Warm regards,
Rev. Sandra

Rituals

Rituals are those things that add a little color and flair to a ceremony. They can be as simple as signing the marriage license following vows, or as symbolic as planting a flower or tree to watch the growth of a relationship. Many people are familiar with the Unity Candle as a standby, and with the boom in outdoor weddings, the use of the Sands of Unity, which uses two or more colors of sand to symbolize the union of a couple or a family, is becoming regarded as something very special. Some couples wish to honor beloved ones who have passed over.

Handfasting is a ritual that comes to us from the Pagan culture, but it is a beautiful symbol of the joining of two people. It requires 18 feet of three colors of ribbon which can be pre-braided to make a beautiful wrap. The right hands are placed side by side, the cord is wrapped crossways around the wrists from one to the other, seven times to make a blessing. The ends of the cord are then placed in the hands, which are pulled out to form a knot, which then becomes a keepsake. If desired, a reading about the significance of all the blessings that come from the hands can be read during the wrapping, or music can be played.

Slideshows are not common at weddings, but if there is a significant amount of photo footage available, displaying the progress of the relationship, from the time a couple meets to the time of proposal is a lovely detail that everyone can enjoy. Of course, this can also be a highlight of the reception.

Ceremonies that allow the guests to participate in blessing the couple are nice and can be done before, during or after the ceremony. Stones can be given to each person before seating. During the ceremony, a blessing is placed on the stone, then they are collected and presented to the bride and groom. Some couples ask that each person pass by the rings which are displayed on a pillow and offer a blessing. Coins can be blessed, then collected and placed in a bag. Next they are thrown out onto the ground. The couple collects the coins to save as a nest egg for their new home.

Whatever you choose to do, your ceremony should reflect the feelings that you have for each other and who you are as a couple.

May you be richly blessed!

Honoring Loved Ones

It has become a common habit to make a memorial to loved ones who could not attend the wedding ceremony, as they have passed. Whether the passing is recent or whether it is one that took place long ago, it never goes out of style to show our love for these dear ones, to invite their blessings from above, and to receive their warmth raining down upon the ceremony. Many people will set a chair aside and grace it with the individual's favorite flower. Some will place photos on the altar to acknowledge their loved one's presence. Others will have an item that is less intrusive placed on a chair or table, perhaps something that belonged to the individual. Some will want the loved one's name and a touching verse to honor him or her. All of these things are easy and quick acknowledgements of someone who played a special part in making the bride/groom who she or he is. They are never morbid reminders of the pain felt in losing the loved one. If you wish to add a little more personal touch to your ceremony, consider honoring a loved one who has passed.

2012

Yes, Dear Ones, it is now that infamous year in which the Mayan Calendar is being blamed for bringing on the end of the world. Blame is the key point. To the most reasonable of us, it just means the creators of said calendar ran out of paper. But we do live in times when financial matters, matters of self-governance and matters of human rights are important all the way around our planet. It is a time of rejoicing, rather than a time of fear. So I say, "Let Love Ring!" and let there be marriages to celebrate that love.

I have many openings for the 2012 season and look forward to helping many of you create the most beautiful memories by including some new and unusual rituals, poetry, and creative ceremonies that your hearts long to share. These will be ceremonies that you can remember for the rest of your lives, proud at the way they spoke to your hearts and the hearts of your guests, reflecting who you are as a couple and the feelings that you have for each other. Cheers!

To find out the current rates on weddings, send me an email to revsandra1@yahoo.com with your projected wedding date in the subject line. I will respond as soon as possible. I am looking forward to a rewarding wedding season and I wish all of you the very best, whether you are in my area or across the world.

Sample Ceremony

The Ceremony
Of
The Gems of Love
Prelude

Processional:

Convocation: Greetings to all of you, both family and friends of __________ and ____________. It is their great pleasure to welcome you to witness their vows of love and commitment on this most joyous day.

Invocation: Let us pray: Almighty God, we ask your presence and your blessings as ______ and _____ take this step of committing their lives to one another. We ask that you would encourage their loving hearts as they make their vows today, so that the promises they make will last for the rest of their lives, knowing that their love is a valued gem. Amen.

Who gives this woman to be married?

The Address: As two people come together in that first meeting, it is not always apparent that the outcome will be lifelong love. While there may be the awareness that there is something different about the other, it may take several days or meetings before one realizes that this person has touched one’s heart. Like beautiful gemstones that grow in the earth, changing and becoming ever more beautiful over time, assisted by the pressure of the shifting earth; heat or cold; moisture and drought, so too, do relationships become more beautiful because of the challenges and stresses that a couple experience in their lifetimes.

Gems of Love

Your first meeting is represented by the emerald,
full of curiosity and excitement and attraction.
As you become acquainted and interested in pursuing each other,
The fiery, exciting ruby symbolizes your love.
As you grow to appreciate each other in all of your aspects,
It is the simple white pearl that expresses the layers of knowing
And when you are ready to make a lifetime commitment
It is the diamond, created through heat and pressure,
That symbolizes your willingness to undergo the challenges of life together.
And finally, as you have spent years and years of learning each other’s strengths, weaknesses, and the hidden parts of each other’s nature, it is the beautiful, shining amber, which reveals the innermost history,
that blesses your lives forevermore.


Though life is never cast in stone—there are no guarantees—knowing that you have a partner to support you through the tests and trials of everyday life makes it easier to get beyond those challenges. You are able to do this by ensuring a safe place where both of you can communicate your needs and wants, your silent sufferings, your hopes and dreams, and the delights in the little things you experience every day. And so, your love grows from both directions, like nature’s beautiful stalactite and stalagmite in a crystal cave. The love that you share eventually connects to create an amazing pillar of great strength. It is the contribution made by each of you, acting in harmony, that makes your love something beautiful to behold, as well as creating and establishing a relationship that will stand the test of time.
In addition, by seeking to delight each other with simple pleasures, being open to new adventures, and making your relationship the single most important thing in your lives, you have the prescription for happiness.

Consecration: As you, ____, and you, ____, make your vows this day, know that you are becoming complete, within and without. You now become part of a cherished team, a source of wonder and delight. May you be blessed with every vision of happiness that you have hoped for and may you step forward with the knowledge that this relationship is destined to become a beautiful gem.

Expression of Intent: With the knowledge of the fullness of commitment and the permanence of your vows, have you come here today freely for the intention of marriage?

______ and ____ say, “We have.”

The Vows:

Do you, _______, take ________ to be your lawfully wedded wife? Do you promise to love, honor, respect and cherish her, support her through challenges and the full expression of her dreams? Do you promise to protect her, encourage her, and share the remainder of your life with her?

________ says, “I do.”

Do you, _______, take ________ to be your lawfully wedded husband? Do you promise to love, honor, respect and cherish him, support him through challenges and the full expression of his dreams? Do you promise to protect him, encourage him, and share the remainder of your life with him?

________ says, “I do.”

May I please have the rings?

Rings symbolize the union of soul unto soul, forming a perfect circle. They are made of precious metal, which symbolizes the great value that is placed upon your union, strong enough to last a lifetime. Bless, O Lord, these rings to be a symbol by which this man and this woman have committed themselves to one another. Amen.

Optional: Unity Candle, Sands of Unity, toast, or other ritual.

___, Please place this ring on ___’s third finger and repeat after me:

“I give you this ring as a symbol of the love, honor and trust that we share. The gem that is our love will grow more beautiful and perfect as time goes on.”

___, Please place this ring on ___’s third finger and repeat after me:

“I give you this ring as a symbol of the love, honor and trust that we share. The gem that is our love will grow more beautiful and perfect as time goes on.”

The Pronouncement: As you, ___ and you, _______, have stated your vows before this audience and exchanged the symbols by which your marriage shall be known, it gives me great pleasure to pronounce you husband and wife.

Optional: Signing of the Marriage License

You may kiss!

Benediction: May your marriage be blessed with all the wonder and delight that you have experienced this day and may be a gem of a relationship through the end of your lives. May the Lord bless you and keep you, may he make his face to shine upon you and give you peace.

Recessional:

Receiving Line

Copyright 2007 by Samm J. Bogner