Avoiding Meltdowns

The day of the wedding ceremony is fraught with nerves, headaches, and confusion.  There are many things that can go wrong, but the important thing is to avoid a meltdown for the bride and groom.  With a little luck and a good officiant, the wedding can be salvaged and be remembered for years to come as a beautiful event, near and dear to the heart.

Let’s take a look at some of the things that might go wrong.  First, the Marriage License can be lost, left behind at the hotel, have coffee spilled on it, or be accidentally torn.  Plan ahead by giving the license to someone who will take responsibility for it, such as the maid of honor or best man, a parent, or a wedding planner. This person will be responsible for making sure it gets packed with items to go to the location of the ceremony, making sure it is transported to the site, and perhaps wrapping it in plastic report cover to prevent damage from spills or tears, and most importantly, delivering the license to the officiant prior to the ceremony.

Another disastrous thing that can happen is having the wedding cake ruined.  This can happen in transport.  The cake may fall, melt, be dropped, not be what was ordered, etc.  The solution to this is a little more difficult.  If possible, have the bakery deliver the cake to your location.  They have to tools to protect the cake from most of these problems.  If the cake comes in sections, they will be able to set it up to its best.  If your baker doesn’t deliver, allow extra time so that the cake doesn’t get bounced around in transport by having to hurry through traffic.  Upon arrival, use a kitchen cart to move the cake into the hall.  If there is a melting problem, smoothing the icing with a spatula should help repair the situation.

Flowers are commonly delivered by the florist, and they will often help distribute the bouquets and boutonnieres to the wedding party.  The problem here is if they droop in the heat of summer, or if the tapes holding things together slide off.  This isn’t a common problem, but it is a possibility.  If necessary, store the flowers in a refrigerator to keep them fresh.

Clothing can become a headache as well.  Perhaps someone’s tux doesn’t fit.  Or, perhaps the bridesmaids gowns are too tight.  Worst of all, the bridal gown may tear or pop a button.  The latter problem can be helped with a needle and thread, so long as this is packed into a “go bag” where all of the last minute needs are stored.  The fitting of the tuxes and bridesmaids gowns can be taken care of if everyone is fitted a week or so before the ceremony.  Then, make sure that each person does, in fact, have the clothing that is meant for them.

Now it is a matter of making sure all of the people that have been invited are on time.  Depending upon the size of the guest list, it may or may not be important that the guests, and a special guest in particular, arrive on time.  It isn’t practical to phone everyone and remind them to be on time, but if there is someone you absolutely want to be there for the ceremony, a well-timed phone call can help them remember what time they should arrive.  Ten minutes before the ceremony is a good rule of thumb.

Last, it’s raining on your well-planned ceremony.  Not to worry.  Paperwork can be slipped into plastic report covers so that the ink doesn’t run, someone can be asked to hold umbrellas over the wedding party if the rain is falling very hard, or, if the rain is a temporary thing, it’s probably okay to wait a little while.  But remember, rain on the wedding day is a good omen.

If you can avoid these pitfalls, there is no reason for a meltdown and heartfelt memories shall abound.

Themed Weddings

What could be more fun than having a wedding?  Having something that really relates to who you are as a couple and expresses the good times that you have had with something, whether a hobby, a spectator sport, a special vacation spot, you name it.

Some of the excitement for this type of wedding will test the creativity of your wedding officiant or planner, to write a ceremony that is full of what is special for the two of you, or you may even want to write it yourself.  We often personalize our vows in this way, but now the entire ceremony can be specialized to you. In any case, it should be delightful and entertaining for your guests.

Where do you start?  The first thing to do is to brainstorm.  What do you like to do? What do you share as a couple?  What kind of hobby gives you joy? These questions should get you started and encourage your creativity to flow.  When you have some options selected, pick your theme.

Once you have selected your theme, think about the peripheral, visual parts of your wedding.  This includes decorations, your wedding gowns and tuxedos (which now become costumes) and the atmosphere of your venue to immerse your guests in your themescape.  You will want to adjust your entrance, your music, and, of course, the script of your ceremony.

Decorations can be selected with help from the local dollar store, a sporting goods store, the fabric shop and a thrift shop.  While you may not normally expect to shop for a wedding in these places, when it comes to theme weddings, you will be able to exploit these stores for the most rare of items.  This includes finding sports jerseys, books that can be used as decor, glassware for the reception, whatever your heart’s desire.

For your attire, you can usually find something unique at the above locations as well.  Think in terms of the image you wish to represent, and you can go wild. Suppose, for example, that you wish to have an Alice In Wonderland wedding.  You should be able to find a red dress anywhere, but a ball gown with a hoop skirt, for the Queen of Hearts, may be a little more difficult to find.  Thrift stores have this kind of thing from time to time. The items are usually cleaned, so don’t feel you have to skimp on quality. The groom’s attire for this wedding might be a military style uniform.  Some may want to alter the pants with a stripe down the side, but you should be able to find something special. Of course, the clothing for your attendants may be a little more difficult to find, and you may want to make them, for example, pillow cases with playing card faces on them, worn with leggings for each. The attendants may wish to get in on the fun as you create something special. Do this for any of your themes and you will be having fun that will last a lifetime.

Personalizing your ceremony script to reflect your theme will add to your fun.  Writing a fun, rhyming poem to highlight the address is always a good place to start.  Preface that with a themed greeting and following with vows that you have written will make your day memorable.  Writing not your thing? Find a talented wedding officiant who will offer to write your ceremony according to your dreams.

You may wish to carry the theme over into your reception, and you can do this just as easily as you have done for the ceremony, using the same sources for decor.  The main thing is to enjoy!

Postponements

What happens when something falls through the cracks and you actually have to postpone your wedding ceremony?   For example, say, the weather prevents travel if someone is coming from a distance and plays an integral part in the wedding.  Or, Heaven forbid, there is a death in the family and you are too bereaved to carry on.  Or bride or groom is seriously ill, or called away to the Armed Forces, or any other of a number of possibilities.  What happens and what do you do?

First, contact your vendors right away, explain and see if you can reschedule at a better time.  Use your best judgment in setting a date that will allow you to avoid or compensate for the initial problem.  Most professionals will be understanding of such unavoidable delays, and may give you a portion of your fees in return if they cannot reschedule you.  You probably won’t be able to get all of your fees back, as there are expenses for the professionals as well, but they will likely offset some of your losses.

You are probably, however, going to have to deal with the loss of fees from the venue and your caterer (sometimes the same company), unless they happen to have a waiting list that is tentative enough to fill your spot.  Again, you may see a portion of your fees refunded, but probably not the entire amount. 

Your decorations and dry goods investments can certainly be saved and used for later unless by some bizarre twist of fate, you have already decorated a church or hall when the crisis occurs.  Even at that, you can still pack decorations away in boxes, most carefully, and reuse them when the ceremony can take place.  Take care not to flatten fragile items and you should be ready to go.  Live plants can be kept for later as well, so your entire investment is not lost.

Just a reminder, also, your Marriage License may have to be reviewed.  Most are good for thirty days following application, so if you must postpone, check to make sure you have not got an expired license.  If so, go to the County Clerk’s office and ask for a new one.    

The greatest challenge in postponement is loss of your investment, but with careful planning and cooperative professionals, not all of the investment will be lost.

Planning Time

Again, we come to that time of year when plans are made for weddings that will take place during the warmer months.  Of course, in warmer climates and large cities, these things go year around, but here in the cold of Michigan, plans are made during the winter for weddings that will make their splash during the summer months.

Now is the time to make appointments with vendors—the caterers, deejays, photographers, venues, and, of course, wedding officiants.  With the price of petrol soaring, it is wise to track down vendors who are local to the place you will be having your ceremony and reception, rather than paying for travel expenses.  If money is no object, and you have your heart set on a particular individual, of course this is not a concern.

The things you will need to nail down before you start setting up your professionals, is an exact date and time for your ceremony.  Even if you don’t have your venue yet, busy professionals need to know, for their own scheduling, the date and time.  It may be open to change, if you need to make adjustment for one vendor or another, but give a ballpark figure at least.  And if you do need to change the time, be certain to inform all of your vendors, as they are scheduling for other clients as well.

Some of the considerations you will need to take into account when you select a date and time is whether all the members of your wedding party are available.  You probably aren’t going to be able to please everyone, someone may have to take time off work, and if someone special is coming from a distance, making things as convenient for that person is a higher priority than someone who lives a block away. 

Once you’ve settled on a date and time, then you go forward and contact vendors and get everyone lined up.  Start with the venue, as their schedules tend to fill in the fastest.  Then get an officiant, a caterer, photographer, and if needed, get the assistance of a wedding planner.  If you are having a large and extravagant wedding, their expertise is most helpful.

Starting with a date and time that is cast in stone will help you organize your wedding much easier and take away headaches later on.

What Are You Celebrating?

When a couple comes together for the purpose of marriage, there is always the question of how big a splash to make.  Some couples prefer something quiet, private, in which they can take care of the legal necessity of joining their lives, while others want to make as big a production with a great deal of fanfare to announce to the world that they are married, something that creates a beautiful memory of a day that seems more like a fantasy that reality.

As an officiant, it is my job to help you realize either one, whatever your hearts desire.  It is my job to find the right words, set the stage and express to your guests, however many you may have, that this day is special, that the two of you are now one voice, one heart, one life. 

Because everyone is different, your job is to let your officiant know what you envision as the perfect ceremony.  What rituals do you want as part of your ceremony?  Do you want special music, poetry, a tribute to someone special, memorials to those in the family who have passed, but are watching you from above? 

There are a lot of things that you can do to create a forum to have said what you want to do and say.  This ceremony will mark a transition from one stage of life to another, even if you, as a couple, have been together for years.  A wedding speaks volumes in that it can show your guests the story of your evolution from a single, solitary person, to a supportive, loving couple.  It can say what you feel, why you feel it, and why it is important and special to you, the couple.

Therefore, dream!  Envision what your perfect day is going to be.  If you are setting free balloons, or homing pigeons, or lighting a Unity Candle—whatever reflects your personal desires or style—make it your own and say what you will to celebrate who the two of you are as a couple and light the path ahead to where you want to go.

Preparing for the Unexpected

You’ve got all your ducks in a row.  The vendors are confirmed for your date, their bills are paid and your instructions to them are clear.  The venue has been decorated, the tuxes rented, gowns are pressed and every last detail has been arranged.  Still, there are some eventualities for which you cannot be prepared.  Last minute surprises can make or break the best-planned wedding.

How do you prepare for something you can’t predict?  What kind of indicators can give you a head’s up?

Consider Murphy’s Law, which states that if anything can possibly go wrong, it will.  What kinds of things can go wrong?  The flower girl steps on the train of the bridal gown and tears the dress.  Your maid of honor is a basket of nerves and gets so sick she can’t come.  The groomsmen are so hung-over from the bachelor party, they show up an hour late.  The florist delivers your order to the wrong venue.  The wedding cake slides off the cart en route and a new one has to be made.  The minister is tied up by a fender bender.  All of these are possibilities.

The best way to deal with any of these little crises is to roll with the punches.  Being delayed is the worst case scenario as the result of any of these situations.  While some fees may be tacked on to cover the late start, the ceremony can still go on.  And often, if the delay is beyond your control, late fees may be waived.

A torn dress can be tacked together with needle and thread.  Most venues have the changing room stocked with such supplies.  Sick maid of honor?  Chamomile or peppermint tea works wonders.  Hung-over groomsmen?  There is not much to be done after the fact, but a firm warning that such behaviour will result in the appearance of a bridezilla may be a sufficient deterrent.  Double-checking all deliveries so you confirm the address will hold faux pas on delivery at bay.  Last, accidents do happen, even to wedding officiants, but allowing plenty of travel time should avert distractions leading to a fender bender.

All in all, delays are uncomfortable, may be costly, and should be avoided whenever possible.  But they aren’t the end of the world, and the presentation of your ceremony can proceed in all its splendor in the long run.

Time: The Big Spoilsport

We’ve talked about many ways your vendors want to help you create a beautiful memory on your wedding day, but there is a little thing that can make the entire thing fall apart:  a late start.  You all know how important it is for your vendors to arrive and perform on time for you, but if the ceremony begins late, it can cause an avalanche of disasters.
 Suffice it to say that vendors operate like taxi drivers.  They always have another place to be and they allot a certain amount of time to any given affair, charging X-number of dollars for a specified amount of time.
 While it’s great that you would like all of your friends and relatives to witness your ceremony, it may not be practical to hold up the wedding if some happen to be late.  Your officiant may be flexible in waiting up to fifteen minutes for out-of-town loved ones to arrive if he or she doesn’t have another obligation following yours, but courtesy dictates that you ask, should the situation arise.
 You may have a little more leeway when it comes to your reception, as the caterer is less likely to be scheduled for another event, however, the servers are probably paid by the hour, so the boss will be watching the clock.
 Your entertainers are also likely booked only for your event, but they, too, will want to start and finish on time.  If your reception immediately follows your ceremony, a late start to the wedding can cause some discomfort for musicians, d.j.’s, even photographers.
 The second most likely cause of delay is the hairdresser.  Be sure that you add an extra hour or even two, in case some problem arises at the salon. 
 A case of nerves can also be cause for delay, but making sure all of the arrangements are confirmed may help alleviate worries.  A good officiant can help coordinate lining up and time management, as well as your master or mistress of ceremonies and your wedding planner.  Sometimes it just takes knowing that all of your vendors have arrived to reduce stress levels.
 In any case, starting your wedding on time keeps everyone happy and helps you avoid unexpected fees and hurt feelings.

Why The Professional Officiant?

A lot of the scuttle-butt on the Professional circuit these days is about officiants who do not perform their work on a professional basis.  This includes friends and relatives of the bride or groom who apply for an ordination simply for the purpose of performing this specific wedding, often as a measure for saving money, but occasionally for the purpose of being the individual who blesses the marriage.  While either is acceptable in the eyes of the law, and reasonable for the couple, the finished product can sometimes be a disaster, leaving the bride and groom with memories that are below their expectations when it comes to how they see their wedding.

To see what you might be missing by having Uncle Joe perform your ceremony, consider what services you get with a professional officiant.  First, the officiant meets with you, taking the time to get to know you.  He or she might have a questionnaire for you to fill out, describing not only your preferences, but a little bit of the history of your relationship, so that your ceremony can be personalized to the two of you.  He or she might interview you, to really get acquainted with you both.  Then, if there are several basic ceremonies that the officiant uses, you can select a ceremony that reflects who you are as a couple and the feelings that you have for each other.  In my estimation, this is one of the most important things in the preparation of a wedding ceremony.  The professional officiant will prepare the ceremony and send you a copy for your approval.  He or she will rehearse with you prior to the ceremony so that your wedding will appear polished.  The day of the wedding, the professional officiant will coordinate events in such a way that everyone is ready on time and the ceremony comes off like a well-practiced production.  Your license will be signed and copies delivered to the appropriate parties.  You can trust the officiant to complete all phases of the preparation and display of the ceremony, without having to remind him or her of anything. 

When you are being married by Uncle Joe, this is not going to happen.  Although your friends and relatives know you, they do not know wedding protocol or what needs to be done when.  They are likely to find a ceremony script on the web, and will read it for you, but the ceremony will be lacking in polish, practice, and satisfaction.

While a professional officiant costs more money, the finished product is worth the extra investment.  Shopping around, you will be able to find a professional who cares about the memories that you are going to create, and will take a creative approach to providing them.

How To Deal With Conflict at the Wedding

Most weddings are a place where everyone is excited and happy for the bride and groom, partaking of their special day with positive energy and shared love.  There is respect and those who aren’t particularly supportive, have the decency to keep their opinions to themselves.  However, there is the occasional wedding in which there is a faction, often uninvited, prepared to disrupt the service, cause contention and turn the day into a disaster.  What does one do with that?

When the world is not supportive of the choices made by a couple, the first solution is not to invite trouble by leaving the nay-sayers off the guest list.  Even if that person is beloved Aunt Polly, and the worst she might do is moan and cry during the vows, it is wise to allow her to keep her feelings to herself.

However, there are those who would crash a wedding and shout or even become violent, attacking the bride or the groom, to show their displeasure at the proceedings.  Not only does this cause embarrassment, but also can cause costly delays of the ceremony.  If you have a concern that this may be a problem, being prepared ahead of time will help protect your ceremony from the negativity. 

Having your guests bring their invitations, and setting a gatekeeper or doorman at the entrance to the venue, preferably someone of imposing size, to sort out who has or has not been invited, can reduce the likelihood of a disruption.  Also, informing the officiant that there is an individual who may cause problems during the service helps to avoid problems, as the officiant can set a pace that doesn’t allow for interruptions.  The last step is to call the police and have the disruptors removed from the premises.  It may be an uncomfortable step to take, but possibly a necessary one, should violence come into the picture.

There are also those who underhandedly attempt to manipulate a couple by making threats and ultimatums.  These persons are likely to be more low key, but their presence on the day of a wedding can cause plenty of discomfort.  They usually impose their statements prior to the start of the ceremony, and the best option is to quietly ask them to leave.  While it may not be pleasant, it is a better option than having disruption during the ceremony.

Knowing who would cause conflict at your wedding and taking steps ahead of time to prevent the person’s actions from destroying your special day, may preserve the positive memories that you hope to have to begin your married life. 

Sprucing Up Your Outdoor Wedding

Everyone knows that having an outdoor wedding in a beautiful garden abundant with flowers provides a rich and lovely backdrop to a special and memorable ceremony.  But let’s say that you just want to have your ceremony in a public park where there is grass and trees and that’s about it.  You can’t get permission to attach anything that will leave a mark on the natural landscape, but there are a few things that you can do to make a pretty setting more you.

Suppose you are bringing in chairs for your guests.  Anything that can be attached to the chairs, including netting, flowers, ribbon, teddy bears, or other theme-related item is a go.  You can bring in an archway that can be covered in the same kind of decor. Let your imagination go wild.  If you really like teddy bears, for example, have one attached to the end seat of each row, alternating rows, if you wish to be a little budget-conscious.  You can put some large teddy bears with their own bouquets of your choice of flowers to the sides of the archway.

In addition, you can set up a table in the front from which to perform any of the rituals that you choose, including a Unity Sand ceremony, Love Knot ceremony, Wine and Bread ceremony, Bulb Planting ceremony, and so forth.  You can decorate the table with battery-powered lighted candles, pictures of relatives you wish to honor, and, of course, more flowers. 

In essence, you can decorate the outdoors in a similar way in which you decorate the indoors, so long as you have something on which to anchor your decorations.

Words, Words, Words

Many couples find that the wedding ceremony itself presents a problem.  They have a lot of emotions that they want to express, to make the day very special and meaningful, yet the words do not come to them.  They rely on the officiant to come up with just the right words to share how they feel about each other.  This is perfectly all right.

Some officiants will have a questionnaire to help determine what your thoughts and feelings about each other are.  They may ask, “What does love mean to you?”  or “What words describe how you feel about your partner?”  There are many questions that will help you to think about what you want said the day of your wedding.  Thinking about these things when the pressure is off allows your officiant get to know who the two of you are as a couple and what is important in your lives.  They may ask about your hobbies, what “family” means to you.  How much time do you think is important to spend with your partner, and when you are together, what makes that time special?

Having some time to think about these things allows you to have a ceremony that will bring back memories of fondness for the rest of your lives. 

Creating Invitations

For those with summer or autumn weddings, now is the time to get your invitations sent out, if you haven’t already done so.  The days of spending hours going through the printers sample books to select the perfect invitations are passé.  There are plenty of computer graphics programs which will help you design and print out your invitations. You can make them as flamboyant or as simple as you like and you can embellish them with ribbon, scrapbook lettering, ink stamps, appliqués and just about anything that you can imagine.

Most invitations these days follow in line with the theme of your wedding.  If your colors are the only theme that you are presenting, chances are, you will want your invitations to reflect that simplicity.  But if your theme is something like the Mad Hatter’s Tea Party, for example, you may want to have little hat cutouts, some netting, ribbon, perhaps a patch of felt, and, of course, tea cups!  Your invitations become the template for your decorations for your wedding and reception.

Of course, it is unnecessary to go to all that intricacy if you merely want to make sure that all of your aunts, uncles, cousins and dear friends receive notice that you request the honor of their presence at your nuptials.  Wording is sometimes everything.  Lettering is also something special these days, as we have so many font options to choose from. Wording and lettering should reflect your personalities and the level of seriousness or playfulness that you want your ceremony to reflect.  Traditional wording acknowledges the invitation coming from the parents.  More modern invitations, or invitations from couples who have been down the path before, generally state that the couple is requesting the honor.

Formal or casual, simple or exotic, if the invitations reflect who you are as a couple and the impressions you would like to give your guests, you can’t go wrong.

Considering Elopement

For many people, the time and money that must be invested in a large, luxurious wedding is beyond the scope of their finances or may be beyond the scope of the time they have for planning.  Perhaps the important thing for a couple is to say some words that they might not have the opportunity to say to their partner.  Perhaps having the chance to just look each other in the eyes, proclaim love, and put those rings on each other’s fingers, without a great deal of hooplah is what will be the most memorable.  Whatever the reason, whether money, time or just plain preference, elopement may be just enough for what you desire.

What, exactly, is an elopement?  Usually, elopement is when you make an appointment with a magistrate to have your five minutes of time, exchange rings and be pronounced husband and wife at the fall of a gavel.  However, more and more wedding officiants are offering this service at a discount of their usual rate.  They may have a specific place in mind where they offer the service:  an office, their home, a park, or a beach.  Suffice it to say that the settings will be limited.   They will also only allow a small number of guests, usually immediate family or a few close friends, generally less than 10 people all together.  You will need to have the usual two witnesses to sign the license, which you must get prior to the ceremony according to the laws of your state.  You can expect that an elopement ceremony with an officiant or minister to be a little longer than one performed by a judge or magistrate, and it may allow for a little depth of meaning, but it won’t be as long as a large ceremony with all the trimmings.

To find out if an officiant does elopements, you may need to ask or visit his or her website.  I have decided to do them this year, as the economy tightens its belt. 

May your wedding become a beautiful story!

Selecting Rings

One of the biggest expenses for a wedding are the rings which will symbolize your commitment to one another for the rest of your lives.  Most people opt for the most beautiful rings they can comfortably afford.  However, some people are opting for new twists in this regard.  There are several ways of showing commitment creatively without such great expense and, some people feel, are more meaningful than expensive jewelry.

One variation is getting tattoos on the ring fingers.  These, of course, are permanent.  The tattoos are meant to show the depth and permanence of the intention to commit for life.  They can be as ornate and beautiful as the creativity of the couple and artist can achieve.  The problem with this is that not even couples whose intention becomes a part of their physical bodies can assure that their marriage does, in fact, last a lifetime.  As with all tattoos, should the marriage end, it may become rather awkward.

Another variation I have seen is the use of rubber O-rings, which are worn on the understanding that while marriage may not be perfect, the rules thereof can be stretched and twisted, like the O-ring, but the marriage will not break.  This is charming and a very symbolic sentiment, though the rings may not be suitable for wearing with all clothing choices.

I have also seen couples who have woven, knitted or crocheted rings.  These can be varied in color to match clothing choices, and still use the concept of stretching a point as the O-rings above, but may be more fashionable.

Whatever you choose for your rings, they are, indeed, a symbol of the depth and strength of your commitment to love one another for the rest of your lives.

Venues

With wedding season in full swing, most of you are now full steam ahead on your plans.  You should have your vendors selected and retained, your guest list prepared, and you should know where your ceremony will be held.  That may come with a challenge these days.

Something that has come to my attention recently is that public places are now actually charging large sums of money strictly to wedding parties, for the use of the area, including beaches, parks, lighthouses, and other public lands.  This is the case even in places where other groups or persons are not charged at all.  It’s very sad that greed is taking over.

What can be done instead?  There is little that can be done to use a place that may be near your heart if you are trying to control your wedding budget, but sometimes if you schedule your ceremony for the “off” season, or during the week, you may be able to negotiate a special rate. Or perhaps the concern is more for cleanliness and if you offer to clean the area of debris, you may be allowed special consideration. 

Another option is to have your ceremony in your back yard or at the home of someone who has land and space which is scenic and lovely.  Friends and relatives can be helpful in many ways, but if they are willing to provide the venue, whether they have property near a beach, or on a farm or just have a very spacious garden, it can help to reduce your budget.  And they might be willing to provide you with the space in lieu of a wedding gift.

The main thing is to remain open-minded as to what location you have your ceremony.  You can still have a lovely wedding in the temple of the outdoors without spending a small fortune.

Writing Your Own Vows

Writing your own vows is becoming more popular these days. Some couples prefer not to, because they really don’t know what to say. But it might be easier than you may think.
Start by speaking from your heart. You are telling the most important person in your life not only how you feel about him or her, but what you want to happen in the years to come. You are making promises, expressing your hopes, your commitment, and perhaps, maybe even some fears. All of those things are okay.

The best way to do this is to be yourself. Your reason for writing your own vows was so that you don’t have to say the awkward, flowery vows that the officiant comes up with, or the old boring vows that have been said and heard since the Stone Age.

Here are some hints:
• Start by thinking about how you met, what you first noticed about your partner.

• Tell her or him what there is that excites you or brings you joy when you’re together.

• Move on to why you decided that right now is the time to commit to marriage.

• Say two or three things that you want to happen for the future in your relationship.

• Express in your own words what will show your partner that you are committed in the long term.
You can do it! Don’t let a few words get in your way.

Cold Feet

There are a few of my couples who have experienced cold feet. They go through all of the planning, start looking at the costs, think about how their lives will change, what they will have to do to keep a marriage on course, and they go into a panic. Rarely does this stop them from going through with the wedding, but it can create some very uncomfortable days until everything is back on target.

Planning and communication are the sure-fire ways of making these things work out. By working together, making sure all of the bases are covered for the wedding itself, talking about what has been accomplished, what has yet to be done, talking about the feelings that you have, including how the ceremony and reception will affect your finances, you come to realize what a great team you are, how you solve problems, and that together, you can overcome whatever is before you.
You may find that you have to prioritize desires for your ceremony. Some thing are very important to each of you, other things you can let go of without it negatively affecting you on an emotional level. Some things are just beyond your budget. Part of being a mature, married couple is knowing when you have to make do with what you have. If you have your heart set on something, you may have to make a trade-off. Together, you can make these choices.

The thing that you must avoid at all costs is manipulation. Don’t try to deceive one another or surprise one another with what you think your partner wants or something that you want, but you think you will be able to trick your partner into wanting in the end. This is a sign that you have some growing to do, and you need to face that.

Marriage is about making an unstoppable team. You can be a part of it, or you can break it. What choice will you make?
Warm regards,
Rev. Sandra

Saving, Saving, Saving

The traditional wedding season is coming quickly upon us. That is to say, the weather is soon to be getting warmer and warm weather brides are likely to be bursting at the seams to get all of their ducks in a row. It may be an easy matter to hire a church, a hall, a band or deejay, minister, florist, and then get the dresses and tuxes, invitations, and decor in line. Or is it? Depending upon how much money you are able to spend, it may be a bit of a challenge to have the things you want in your dream wedding. There are ways to cut the cost if you are willing to look at some possibilities beyond the norm.
Some people are opting to have a wedding at the location where the honeymoon will take place, then having a reception upon their return. For friends who can afford to book airfare, hotel and meals at the location, they are welcome to come, but generally speaking, only close family is included in this type of ceremony. It is one option for saving money and still having the honeymoon you desire.
Often the church is the biggest expense in a wedding. Considering popular outdoor locations which may have special meaning to the two of you, can often save a lot of money. There may be a small reservation fee, but generally, having a wedding in the outdoors is relatively inexpensive. Places that are especially nice are the beach, a public park, a friend’s countryside garden, or a historic site that allows for large gatherings.
Bands are nice, but they can be pricey. Deejays have come into fashion for weddings as well as receptions. Be sure that if you are using a deejay for your wedding ceremony that he or she is willing to coordinate timing with the minister or your event planner so that the ceremony has a professional presentation.

Flowers are expensive and if you can afford the best, go for it. For those who have limited budgets, you can find a broad selection of silk flowers at a dollar store. In fact, they have begun to stock favors and decorations that you can make for your reception tables that look as nice as if you purchased them from an upscale store. You can get a book that explains how to put your bouquets together at your local bookstore.
Dresses and tuxes have been going out the window in recent years as budgets get smaller. I have seen some beautiful gowns at local thrift shops. These are often dresses that have been worn once and are discarded. Purchased new, these dresses may have been hundreds of dollars, often covered in beautiful lace and beadwork, but at a thrift store, they are sold at a fraction of the price. For the obvious reason, sizes are limited, and you may have to really shop around for a few months to find what you want, but the savings is worth it. Tuxes, on the other hand, are being seen as an unnecessary extra for some couples. The gentlemen are opting to wear matching shirts and slacks, and sometimes, depending on the location of the ceremony, something that speaks to the environment, including cargo shorts. The latter speaks to the notion that weddings should be memorable because they really are all about who the two of you are as a couple, and should reflect your personalities and feelings.

What about the cake? Cupcakes are in vogue and often cost less than a multi-tiered cake with extravagant decorations. Arranging them on a special stand creates the captivating look. You can often purchase various flavors of cupcakes, thus allowing your guests a choice. If you wish, you can still have a small cake for the traditional anniversary cake. This is the cake that you share on your first anniversary to celebrate the success of your marriage.
Invitations and other paper products have become a challenge of the past, as more and more couples have opted to design their own with their computer graphics and photo software. They may be expensive to print out, as the papers and inks can add up, but it is likely that they will still be less expensive than purchasing these items from a printer. The positive thing is that you have the ability to change the amount of printed copies, should your guest list grow or decrease. Most office supply stores will be able to provide the special papers and inks that you wish to use.
Knowing the trends of what others are doing to save money can take some of the tension out of organizing and preparing for a beautiful wedding. May you be richly blessed!

Rituals

Rituals are those things that add a little color and flair to a ceremony. They can be as simple as signing the marriage license following vows, or as symbolic as planting a flower or tree to watch the growth of a relationship. Many people are familiar with the Unity Candle as a standby, and with the boom in outdoor weddings, the use of the Sands of Unity, which uses two or more colors of sand to symbolize the union of a couple or a family, is becoming regarded as something very special. Some couples wish to honor beloved ones who have passed over.

Handfasting is a ritual that comes to us from the Pagan culture, but it is a beautiful symbol of the joining of two people. It requires 18 feet of three colors of ribbon which can be pre-braided to make a beautiful wrap. The right hands are placed side by side, the cord is wrapped crossways around the wrists from one to the other, seven times to make a blessing. The ends of the cord are then placed in the hands, which are pulled out to form a knot, which then becomes a keepsake. If desired, a reading about the significance of all the blessings that come from the hands can be read during the wrapping, or music can be played.

Slideshows are not common at weddings, but if there is a significant amount of photo footage available, displaying the progress of the relationship, from the time a couple meets to the time of proposal is a lovely detail that everyone can enjoy. Of course, this can also be a highlight of the reception.

Ceremonies that allow the guests to participate in blessing the couple are nice and can be done before, during or after the ceremony. Stones can be given to each person before seating. During the ceremony, a blessing is placed on the stone, then they are collected and presented to the bride and groom. Some couples ask that each person pass by the rings which are displayed on a pillow and offer a blessing. Coins can be blessed, then collected and placed in a bag. Next they are thrown out onto the ground. The couple collects the coins to save as a nest egg for their new home.

Whatever you choose to do, your ceremony should reflect the feelings that you have for each other and who you are as a couple.

May you be richly blessed!

2012

Yes, Dear Ones, it is now that infamous year in which the Mayan Calendar is being blamed for bringing on the end of the world. Blame is the key point. To the most reasonable of us, it just means the creators of said calendar ran out of paper. But we do live in times when financial matters, matters of self-governance and matters of human rights are important all the way around our planet. It is a time of rejoicing, rather than a time of fear. So I say, "Let Love Ring!" and let there be marriages to celebrate that love.

I have many openings for the 2012 season and look forward to helping many of you create the most beautiful memories by including some new and unusual rituals, poetry, and creative ceremonies that your hearts long to share. These will be ceremonies that you can remember for the rest of your lives, proud at the way they spoke to your hearts and the hearts of your guests, reflecting who you are as a couple and the feelings that you have for each other. Cheers!

To find out the current rates on weddings, send me an email to revsandra1@yahoo.com with your projected wedding date in the subject line. I will respond as soon as possible. I am looking forward to a rewarding wedding season and I wish all of you the very best, whether you are in my area or across the world.