Peripheral Tips

Once you have all of the flowers, gowns, tuxes, and are ready to rehearse your ceremony, there are a few things that need to be discussed.  For example, when the bride is presented, do you wish the congregation to stand?  Often, they will stand without prompting, but it is good to know if you wish them to do so.  Traditionally, as the bride comes into view, the congregation will stand, but there are couples who prefer not to do this.  You should let your officiant know your preferences.

Another thing that will help your ceremony go smoothly is that the maid of honor will adjust the train of the bride’s gown when the bride reaches her place. Following that, or if there is no train to smooth, the bride hands the maid of honor her flowers, so that her hands are free to hold the groom’s hands and to give and receive the rings, pour sand (if there is a sand ceremony), exchange roses (for a rose ceremony), light candles (if there is a Unity Candle) and so on.

It is frequently preferred by couples to have a ringbearer in the bridal party.  This is a charming addition.  The problem comes in when the rings are not adequately tied to the pillow he carries, or tied so well that the ties must be cut.  Perhaps I have said this before, but it helps the ceremony to run more smoothly if the ringbearer has faux rings on the pillow (it may actually have had a pair of them when purchased) and have the best man and/or maid of honor holding the rings to be presented to the officiant when asked.

These are just a few of the tips that will help your wedding day go seamlessly better.

What Kind of Ceremony?

Most of the time you can say, “A wedding is a wedding.” Except when it’s not.  There are other types of ceremonies that may be had, which provide the level of commitment of a marriage, but without the legal blessing that a wedding receives.  For some, a commitment ceremony is the right choice.  For others, a hand-fasting provides what is needed.  So when is a wedding not a wedding?

To begin with, a wedding requires a license from the state in which it is performed.  It is a legal union in which the bride and groom (or brides and grooms) make a legal connection which is honored by the legal system, and in which partners are able to receive benefits from an employer, the state and insurance companies, for example.

There are situations when a marriage ceremony, as above, would limit the parties to a wedding, regarding those benefits, so the choice becomes one in which they wish to profess their love and commitment as a couple, but avoid the legal, and oftentimes, financial, limitations based on their marital status.  This couple would do well to have a commitment ceremony, which, generally, has language that the couple expresses their love, honor and union with each other, without being legally a married couple.  Informally, the couple may consider themselves married, but it is not a legal union.

The final option is a hand-fasting, which, according to some pagan faiths, is a commitment of a year and a day, with an option to make it a permanent relationship following that period.  There are several ceremonies that are used to seal this type of relationship, including a ribbon ceremony, in which the couple’s hands are bound together before being withdrawn, creating an in-dissolvable knot that they enjoy as a keepsake. Some individuals opt for Jumping the Broom, which involves placing a broom on the ground, and the couple, following their vows, jumps the broom, symbolizing their entrance into the portal of marriage.

From a legal standpoint, your officiant is required to avoid language including “husband and wife,” unless the ceremony includes a legal license.  So long as everyone is aware what the ceremony is all about, the better for all.

Destination Weddings

The popularity of weddings at a distance is increasing.  It is a way to combine the honeymoon with the wedding, and for at least part of the celebration, to bring your friends along.  Many couples prefer to have the simplicity of a charming wedding at a meaningful location, then throw a big party for the reception on their return.

Begin by deciding where you would like to have your wedding.  This is not just a matter of venue, as if you intend to have your ceremony locally.  It is a matter of what country, or island, or city, for example: Las Vegas or Maui or Italy.  Once you have decided upon the location, you will want to visit a travel agency (particularly if you want to be married overseas) to find out the cost, possible accommodations, and perhaps, if they have any specials or any package deals.  This will give you a framework to start with, as well as providing you with date options.  It’s important to be flexible about travel plans, because there may be certain dates that are booked.

Next, you will want to check into possible venues.  If you have gotten lucky and have found an acceptable package deal, this much is taken care of for you.  Otherwise, you will need to start from scratch, searching the web to find out what venues may be available in the locale you prefer.  Many cities have a website that offers connections to businesses in their area, but you will need to do a little research in order to find just what you’re looking for.

You will need to have hotel accommodations if you wish to stay overnight.  If you are choosing a cruise for your destination, this is already covered.  You will merely have to have your guests book the cruise as well.  Also, guests will need to make arrangements for hotel or, if you are paying their way, you may want to book a block of rooms for the duration.

The ceremony itself may be fairly easy to plan.  If you are going on a cruise, you can often make arrangements for the captain of the ship to perform the ceremony.  You may want your own officiant, so long as you pay for his or her accommodations.  If you are going to a remote location, you may need to do some digging to find out if there is a clergyman or officer who can perform the wedding.  Of course, places like Las Vegas have many wedding chapels which suit a variety of preferences.

Some couples report that they save a great deal of money by having their wedding at a special place, but this depends on what the budget allows and how long your stay.

Options

When you are sitting down with your professionals, the thing you most want is to have a variety of options presented to you so that you can choose what represents your interests, beliefs, and sometimes, your fantasies.  While some professionals are very open to things you may want to try, others are somewhat rigid in their thinking, when it comes to possibilities, and will try to limit your options, rather than open them up.  If they can give a reasonable explanation as to why they don’t suggest something in which you’re interested, all well and good, but if it just seems they have a limited view of things and seem to be strong-arming you to do something which would make less work for themselves, then perhaps you do not have a good fit with this professional and it is time to find someone who is more open-minded.  The last thing you want when you are planning is to have someone tell you what you want or don’t want for your ceremony or reception.  Nor do you want someone to play off your fears about Murphy’s Law, which states that if anything possibly can go wrong, it will.

The bottom line is that you want all of the options presented to you, so that you can make an informed decision which speaks to your hearts as a couple.  If you find someone filling in the blanks for you, it’s time to look elsewhere.

Postponements

What happens when something falls through the cracks and you actually have to postpone your wedding ceremony?   For example, say, the weather prevents travel if someone is coming from a distance and plays an integral part in the wedding.  Or, Heaven forbid, there is a death in the family and you are too bereaved to carry on.  Or bride or groom is seriously ill, or called away to the Armed Forces, or any other of a number of possibilities.  What happens and what do you do?

First, contact your vendors right away, explain and see if you can reschedule at a better time.  Use your best judgment in setting a date that will allow you to avoid or compensate for the initial problem.  Most professionals will be understanding of such unavoidable delays, and may give you a portion of your fees in return if they cannot reschedule you.  You probably won’t be able to get all of your fees back, as there are expenses for the professionals as well, but they will likely offset some of your losses.

You are probably, however, going to have to deal with the loss of fees from the venue and your caterer (sometimes the same company), unless they happen to have a waiting list that is tentative enough to fill your spot.  Again, you may see a portion of your fees refunded, but probably not the entire amount. 

Your decorations and dry goods investments can certainly be saved and used for later unless by some bizarre twist of fate, you have already decorated a church or hall when the crisis occurs.  Even at that, you can still pack decorations away in boxes, most carefully, and reuse them when the ceremony can take place.  Take care not to flatten fragile items and you should be ready to go.  Live plants can be kept for later as well, so your entire investment is not lost.

Just a reminder, also, your Marriage License may have to be reviewed.  Most are good for thirty days following application, so if you must postpone, check to make sure you have not got an expired license.  If so, go to the County Clerk’s office and ask for a new one.    

The greatest challenge in postponement is loss of your investment, but with careful planning and cooperative professionals, not all of the investment will be lost.

New Year's Weddings

Many couples enjoy getting married at a time when they are normally prepared to have a new beginning—on New Year’s day.  They like the thought of completion, and the opportunity to begin something totally new.  It is a natural and comfortable transition in their lives. 

Often, the New Year’s wedding is simple, involving only the closest of friends or family, and is performed in the family home.  Although it may seem spur of the moment, there is likely a great deal of thought went into making such a plan and moving in the direction that will bring this new union to life. 

While the ceremony itself may be humble, the meaning is important and serious to New Year’s couples.  Now is the time when the depth of their feelings can and should be sought out, when the ceremony can reflect meaning, honesty, giving and sharing.  Perhaps you will want to say a personal message for your vows, to really express how you feel blessed, what you want to contribute to this relationship.  Perhaps you will want to have a poem, either one you have written yourself, or one that speaks the love you hold in your heart.  In any case, New Year’s is an ideal time to approach new beginnings and make life changes that open the doors to your new life.

Planning Time

Again, we come to that time of year when plans are made for weddings that will take place during the warmer months.  Of course, in warmer climates and large cities, these things go year around, but here in the cold of Michigan, plans are made during the winter for weddings that will make their splash during the summer months.

Now is the time to make appointments with vendors—the caterers, deejays, photographers, venues, and, of course, wedding officiants.  With the price of petrol soaring, it is wise to track down vendors who are local to the place you will be having your ceremony and reception, rather than paying for travel expenses.  If money is no object, and you have your heart set on a particular individual, of course this is not a concern.

The things you will need to nail down before you start setting up your professionals, is an exact date and time for your ceremony.  Even if you don’t have your venue yet, busy professionals need to know, for their own scheduling, the date and time.  It may be open to change, if you need to make adjustment for one vendor or another, but give a ballpark figure at least.  And if you do need to change the time, be certain to inform all of your vendors, as they are scheduling for other clients as well.

Some of the considerations you will need to take into account when you select a date and time is whether all the members of your wedding party are available.  You probably aren’t going to be able to please everyone, someone may have to take time off work, and if someone special is coming from a distance, making things as convenient for that person is a higher priority than someone who lives a block away. 

Once you’ve settled on a date and time, then you go forward and contact vendors and get everyone lined up.  Start with the venue, as their schedules tend to fill in the fastest.  Then get an officiant, a caterer, photographer, and if needed, get the assistance of a wedding planner.  If you are having a large and extravagant wedding, their expertise is most helpful.

Starting with a date and time that is cast in stone will help you organize your wedding much easier and take away headaches later on.

Release Rituals

One of the lovelier rituals performed at weddings are the release rituals, in which doves or balloons are released to represent the freedom of the love between a couple.  There is a new twist on these two exercises, as only the creative minds of the ingenious and culturally inspired can develop.  One ritual, borrowed from the Orient, is the release of floating lanterns, which are miniature hot air balloons with an incendiary device which lifts the lantern up into the sky.  The second is helium-filled, dove-shaped balloons which are biodegradable for the ecology-minded, yet allow for a lovely display similar to the live release of doves. 

Both of these releases create a dramatic and beautiful image that will stay with you and your guests for a long time.  The cost for either is nominal, but with the right narration, can be especially meaningful.  The lanterns are available in many different colors, including a package of several colors.  The dove-shaped balloons are white.  This link will connect you with a vendor who sells these items.

http://www.skylanterns.us

While these rituals are just beginning to become popular, they are not widely known and practiced.  Both are well-suited to outdoor weddings, and the lanterns are much more dramatic at night, when the lights shine as they rise.  If you wish to have a dramatic flair, I highly recommend these rituals.

Narrative for the release of the doves might be something as simple as, "to symbolize the freedom of the expression of Bride and Groom's love, they release these doves."  Of course, you can get as poetic as you wish, adding more to enhance the drama, but the imagery is of paramount significance.

Have a No-Waste Wedding

When you think about the costs of the decorations for your wedding and reception, the price tag can skyrocket.  But there is also a cost of waste and an environmental impact from what you choose to use as your decor.  Unless you give all of the centerpieces and displays away to your guests, or resell them on eBay, for example, chances are you are going to be throwing most of the beautiful items away.  So take the time to consider what you can do to decorate with natural things that can be recycled or serve a secondary purpose over time.

One clever thing used for an outdoor wedding was the use of wildflowers in canning jars.  The jars were suspended from shepherd’s hooks along the path of the processional.  The flowers could equally have been silk flowers or wheat stalks, and the jars could have been any that can be picked up at thrift stores or flea markets, so long as they can make a set.  The displays were stunning and simple, and left little impact on the environment.  The canning jars might be filled with tomatoes or jelly in years to come.

Lovely table decorations can be made from varied sizes of goblets with colored gravel, water and a goldfish.  The fish can then be placed into an aquarium for a living memorial of the ceremony.  The goblets, once sterilized, can be used for years to come, and once again, the memories are lasting.

Considering your hobbies in creating decorations may allow another lasting use of materials.  If you sew, you may be able to use yard goods to create interesting displays.  You can use the fabric to make interesting quilts that commemorate your wedding and become family heirlooms.

There are so many ways to use materials that will become a part of your family heritage in the years to come.  Just think outside the box and put a little more of yourself into the mix.

The Off Season

We are coming to the time of year when things begin to slow down with regard to our social lives and the busy season for venues is less hectic.  For the savvy shopper bride who is planning a wedding during this time of year, the likelihood is that venues and vendors are less heavily scheduled, but are also likely to charge a lower rate as they wish to fill in their calendars for the rest of the year.  Shopping around for the best deals is a wise choice if you are looking to save money.

Perhaps you have had a special place in mind for your wedding for a long time.  There is no reason you shouldn’t have it, so long as you are flexible with your date selection, and the autumn season is likely to be your best option.  Not only are you likely to get your location, but the venue may be able to allow you a little more freedom with decorations, rehearsals, and other things you may want.  The main thing is, if you want something, don’t be afraid to ask for it.  You are sure not to get what you want if you don’t ask, but if you do, venues and vendors are more likely to give it to you during their off season.

The only thing that you are less likely to get a break on during this time of year is your flowers, and that, of course, is because of the growing season, but this can offset by using silk flowers.  You can make the most beautiful arrangements yourself, often using flowers that you pick up at a dollar store.

You don’t have to be poor to make your dollars count.  Beauty doesn’t have to carry a large price tag.  You just have to have a vivid imagination and know what you want.  Wedding planners and some officiants can help you with these plans or tell you where you can get help.  Just ask.

Selecting Rings

One of the biggest expenses for a wedding are the rings which will symbolize your commitment to one another for the rest of your lives.  Most people opt for the most beautiful rings they can comfortably afford.  However, some people are opting for new twists in this regard.  There are several ways of showing commitment creatively without such great expense and, some people feel, are more meaningful than expensive jewelry.

One variation is getting tattoos on the ring fingers.  These, of course, are permanent.  The tattoos are meant to show the depth and permanence of the intention to commit for life.  They can be as ornate and beautiful as the creativity of the couple and artist can achieve.  The problem with this is that not even couples whose intention becomes a part of their physical bodies can assure that their marriage does, in fact, last a lifetime.  As with all tattoos, should the marriage end, it may become rather awkward.

Another variation I have seen is the use of rubber O-rings, which are worn on the understanding that while marriage may not be perfect, the rules thereof can be stretched and twisted, like the O-ring, but the marriage will not break.  This is charming and a very symbolic sentiment, though the rings may not be suitable for wearing with all clothing choices.

I have also seen couples who have woven, knitted or crocheted rings.  These can be varied in color to match clothing choices, and still use the concept of stretching a point as the O-rings above, but may be more fashionable.

Whatever you choose for your rings, they are, indeed, a symbol of the depth and strength of your commitment to love one another for the rest of your lives.

Venues

With wedding season in full swing, most of you are now full steam ahead on your plans.  You should have your vendors selected and retained, your guest list prepared, and you should know where your ceremony will be held.  That may come with a challenge these days.

Something that has come to my attention recently is that public places are now actually charging large sums of money strictly to wedding parties, for the use of the area, including beaches, parks, lighthouses, and other public lands.  This is the case even in places where other groups or persons are not charged at all.  It’s very sad that greed is taking over.

What can be done instead?  There is little that can be done to use a place that may be near your heart if you are trying to control your wedding budget, but sometimes if you schedule your ceremony for the “off” season, or during the week, you may be able to negotiate a special rate. Or perhaps the concern is more for cleanliness and if you offer to clean the area of debris, you may be allowed special consideration. 

Another option is to have your ceremony in your back yard or at the home of someone who has land and space which is scenic and lovely.  Friends and relatives can be helpful in many ways, but if they are willing to provide the venue, whether they have property near a beach, or on a farm or just have a very spacious garden, it can help to reduce your budget.  And they might be willing to provide you with the space in lieu of a wedding gift.

The main thing is to remain open-minded as to what location you have your ceremony.  You can still have a lovely wedding in the temple of the outdoors without spending a small fortune.

Writing Your Own Vows

Writing your own vows is becoming more popular these days. Some couples prefer not to, because they really don’t know what to say. But it might be easier than you may think.
Start by speaking from your heart. You are telling the most important person in your life not only how you feel about him or her, but what you want to happen in the years to come. You are making promises, expressing your hopes, your commitment, and perhaps, maybe even some fears. All of those things are okay.

The best way to do this is to be yourself. Your reason for writing your own vows was so that you don’t have to say the awkward, flowery vows that the officiant comes up with, or the old boring vows that have been said and heard since the Stone Age.

Here are some hints:
• Start by thinking about how you met, what you first noticed about your partner.

• Tell her or him what there is that excites you or brings you joy when you’re together.

• Move on to why you decided that right now is the time to commit to marriage.

• Say two or three things that you want to happen for the future in your relationship.

• Express in your own words what will show your partner that you are committed in the long term.
You can do it! Don’t let a few words get in your way.

Cold Feet

There are a few of my couples who have experienced cold feet. They go through all of the planning, start looking at the costs, think about how their lives will change, what they will have to do to keep a marriage on course, and they go into a panic. Rarely does this stop them from going through with the wedding, but it can create some very uncomfortable days until everything is back on target.

Planning and communication are the sure-fire ways of making these things work out. By working together, making sure all of the bases are covered for the wedding itself, talking about what has been accomplished, what has yet to be done, talking about the feelings that you have, including how the ceremony and reception will affect your finances, you come to realize what a great team you are, how you solve problems, and that together, you can overcome whatever is before you.
You may find that you have to prioritize desires for your ceremony. Some thing are very important to each of you, other things you can let go of without it negatively affecting you on an emotional level. Some things are just beyond your budget. Part of being a mature, married couple is knowing when you have to make do with what you have. If you have your heart set on something, you may have to make a trade-off. Together, you can make these choices.

The thing that you must avoid at all costs is manipulation. Don’t try to deceive one another or surprise one another with what you think your partner wants or something that you want, but you think you will be able to trick your partner into wanting in the end. This is a sign that you have some growing to do, and you need to face that.

Marriage is about making an unstoppable team. You can be a part of it, or you can break it. What choice will you make?
Warm regards,
Rev. Sandra

Saving Time

Saving Time31213
Last time, we spoke about ways to save money on a big wedding. How let’s think about ways to save time.

You’ve been dreaming of your Big Day since you were a little girl. You know enough of the details of how you want it to look to be able to draw the ideal event. Good! This will really help you when you start to put all of the pieces together. Since you already know what you’re looking for, finding it is just a detail.
One of the reasons that you should connect with your officiant or wedding planning before you get too much into the planning phase: they’ve been doing this for years and should be able to tell you where to find all the things for your perfect day. He or she is in touch with other professionals, deejays, bands, string quartets, photographers, bakers, florists, venues, etc. They’ve been working with them for years. Use their expertise and connections to get the best of the best. This will save you time and in the long run, headaches and money.
Once you have your vendors lined up, you can get to decor. Again, your professionals can point you in the right direction. If you want something that is a little out of the ordinary, they’ve probably seen or heard of such, and can tell you where to go to get what you want. If you have a special hobby, consider where you get the properties (objects, supplies, tools) to pursue the hobby. Talk to others who share your hobby. Networking with others who like what you like will help you along your path of fulfilling your dream day much quicker.
If you have decorations to make, take advantage of family and friends. Perhaps you’re going to have a small wedding and won’t be including them in the ceremony itself. Giving them decorations to work on will help them feel the honor of participating in your lovely day.
Wishing you a Storybook Wedding!

Saving, Saving, Saving

The traditional wedding season is coming quickly upon us. That is to say, the weather is soon to be getting warmer and warm weather brides are likely to be bursting at the seams to get all of their ducks in a row. It may be an easy matter to hire a church, a hall, a band or deejay, minister, florist, and then get the dresses and tuxes, invitations, and decor in line. Or is it? Depending upon how much money you are able to spend, it may be a bit of a challenge to have the things you want in your dream wedding. There are ways to cut the cost if you are willing to look at some possibilities beyond the norm.
Some people are opting to have a wedding at the location where the honeymoon will take place, then having a reception upon their return. For friends who can afford to book airfare, hotel and meals at the location, they are welcome to come, but generally speaking, only close family is included in this type of ceremony. It is one option for saving money and still having the honeymoon you desire.
Often the church is the biggest expense in a wedding. Considering popular outdoor locations which may have special meaning to the two of you, can often save a lot of money. There may be a small reservation fee, but generally, having a wedding in the outdoors is relatively inexpensive. Places that are especially nice are the beach, a public park, a friend’s countryside garden, or a historic site that allows for large gatherings.
Bands are nice, but they can be pricey. Deejays have come into fashion for weddings as well as receptions. Be sure that if you are using a deejay for your wedding ceremony that he or she is willing to coordinate timing with the minister or your event planner so that the ceremony has a professional presentation.

Flowers are expensive and if you can afford the best, go for it. For those who have limited budgets, you can find a broad selection of silk flowers at a dollar store. In fact, they have begun to stock favors and decorations that you can make for your reception tables that look as nice as if you purchased them from an upscale store. You can get a book that explains how to put your bouquets together at your local bookstore.
Dresses and tuxes have been going out the window in recent years as budgets get smaller. I have seen some beautiful gowns at local thrift shops. These are often dresses that have been worn once and are discarded. Purchased new, these dresses may have been hundreds of dollars, often covered in beautiful lace and beadwork, but at a thrift store, they are sold at a fraction of the price. For the obvious reason, sizes are limited, and you may have to really shop around for a few months to find what you want, but the savings is worth it. Tuxes, on the other hand, are being seen as an unnecessary extra for some couples. The gentlemen are opting to wear matching shirts and slacks, and sometimes, depending on the location of the ceremony, something that speaks to the environment, including cargo shorts. The latter speaks to the notion that weddings should be memorable because they really are all about who the two of you are as a couple, and should reflect your personalities and feelings.

What about the cake? Cupcakes are in vogue and often cost less than a multi-tiered cake with extravagant decorations. Arranging them on a special stand creates the captivating look. You can often purchase various flavors of cupcakes, thus allowing your guests a choice. If you wish, you can still have a small cake for the traditional anniversary cake. This is the cake that you share on your first anniversary to celebrate the success of your marriage.
Invitations and other paper products have become a challenge of the past, as more and more couples have opted to design their own with their computer graphics and photo software. They may be expensive to print out, as the papers and inks can add up, but it is likely that they will still be less expensive than purchasing these items from a printer. The positive thing is that you have the ability to change the amount of printed copies, should your guest list grow or decrease. Most office supply stores will be able to provide the special papers and inks that you wish to use.
Knowing the trends of what others are doing to save money can take some of the tension out of organizing and preparing for a beautiful wedding. May you be richly blessed!

2012

Yes, Dear Ones, it is now that infamous year in which the Mayan Calendar is being blamed for bringing on the end of the world. Blame is the key point. To the most reasonable of us, it just means the creators of said calendar ran out of paper. But we do live in times when financial matters, matters of self-governance and matters of human rights are important all the way around our planet. It is a time of rejoicing, rather than a time of fear. So I say, "Let Love Ring!" and let there be marriages to celebrate that love.

I have many openings for the 2012 season and look forward to helping many of you create the most beautiful memories by including some new and unusual rituals, poetry, and creative ceremonies that your hearts long to share. These will be ceremonies that you can remember for the rest of your lives, proud at the way they spoke to your hearts and the hearts of your guests, reflecting who you are as a couple and the feelings that you have for each other. Cheers!

To find out the current rates on weddings, send me an email to revsandra1@yahoo.com with your projected wedding date in the subject line. I will respond as soon as possible. I am looking forward to a rewarding wedding season and I wish all of you the very best, whether you are in my area or across the world.

Who Decides?

As a young couple, preparing something as grand as a wedding may take the wind out of your sails. There are so many things to consider, so many businesses to deal with, and a lot of things to keep track of. Perhaps you would like to have the help of someone more experienced in bringing all of these things together. Your officiant can help with these things, but when it comes to making the decisions as to what you want, keep in mind that you are in charge. It's your day! Mom and Dad, the Officiant, the DJ, the Florist, the Boutique Consultant, the Caterer, the Venue Consultant and the rest of the entourage will all have their opinions and can certainly offer the assistance of their expertise in their chosen field, but when it comes to making your day special and memorable for you, you get to make all the decisions. If someone tells you that you have to do it his or her way, it may be time to look for someone else to fill that role. When you choose what you want in your wedding and how things are to be done, the rest of the troops can fall in line and support your image of the perfect wedding.

Sample Ceremony

The Ceremony
Of
The Gems of Love
Prelude

Processional:

Convocation: Greetings to all of you, both family and friends of __________ and ____________. It is their great pleasure to welcome you to witness their vows of love and commitment on this most joyous day.

Invocation: Let us pray: Almighty God, we ask your presence and your blessings as ______ and _____ take this step of committing their lives to one another. We ask that you would encourage their loving hearts as they make their vows today, so that the promises they make will last for the rest of their lives, knowing that their love is a valued gem. Amen.

Who gives this woman to be married?

The Address: As two people come together in that first meeting, it is not always apparent that the outcome will be lifelong love. While there may be the awareness that there is something different about the other, it may take several days or meetings before one realizes that this person has touched one’s heart. Like beautiful gemstones that grow in the earth, changing and becoming ever more beautiful over time, assisted by the pressure of the shifting earth; heat or cold; moisture and drought, so too, do relationships become more beautiful because of the challenges and stresses that a couple experience in their lifetimes.

Gems of Love

Your first meeting is represented by the emerald,
full of curiosity and excitement and attraction.
As you become acquainted and interested in pursuing each other,
The fiery, exciting ruby symbolizes your love.
As you grow to appreciate each other in all of your aspects,
It is the simple white pearl that expresses the layers of knowing
And when you are ready to make a lifetime commitment
It is the diamond, created through heat and pressure,
That symbolizes your willingness to undergo the challenges of life together.
And finally, as you have spent years and years of learning each other’s strengths, weaknesses, and the hidden parts of each other’s nature, it is the beautiful, shining amber, which reveals the innermost history,
that blesses your lives forevermore.


Though life is never cast in stone—there are no guarantees—knowing that you have a partner to support you through the tests and trials of everyday life makes it easier to get beyond those challenges. You are able to do this by ensuring a safe place where both of you can communicate your needs and wants, your silent sufferings, your hopes and dreams, and the delights in the little things you experience every day. And so, your love grows from both directions, like nature’s beautiful stalactite and stalagmite in a crystal cave. The love that you share eventually connects to create an amazing pillar of great strength. It is the contribution made by each of you, acting in harmony, that makes your love something beautiful to behold, as well as creating and establishing a relationship that will stand the test of time.
In addition, by seeking to delight each other with simple pleasures, being open to new adventures, and making your relationship the single most important thing in your lives, you have the prescription for happiness.

Consecration: As you, ____, and you, ____, make your vows this day, know that you are becoming complete, within and without. You now become part of a cherished team, a source of wonder and delight. May you be blessed with every vision of happiness that you have hoped for and may you step forward with the knowledge that this relationship is destined to become a beautiful gem.

Expression of Intent: With the knowledge of the fullness of commitment and the permanence of your vows, have you come here today freely for the intention of marriage?

______ and ____ say, “We have.”

The Vows:

Do you, _______, take ________ to be your lawfully wedded wife? Do you promise to love, honor, respect and cherish her, support her through challenges and the full expression of her dreams? Do you promise to protect her, encourage her, and share the remainder of your life with her?

________ says, “I do.”

Do you, _______, take ________ to be your lawfully wedded husband? Do you promise to love, honor, respect and cherish him, support him through challenges and the full expression of his dreams? Do you promise to protect him, encourage him, and share the remainder of your life with him?

________ says, “I do.”

May I please have the rings?

Rings symbolize the union of soul unto soul, forming a perfect circle. They are made of precious metal, which symbolizes the great value that is placed upon your union, strong enough to last a lifetime. Bless, O Lord, these rings to be a symbol by which this man and this woman have committed themselves to one another. Amen.

Optional: Unity Candle, Sands of Unity, toast, or other ritual.

___, Please place this ring on ___’s third finger and repeat after me:

“I give you this ring as a symbol of the love, honor and trust that we share. The gem that is our love will grow more beautiful and perfect as time goes on.”

___, Please place this ring on ___’s third finger and repeat after me:

“I give you this ring as a symbol of the love, honor and trust that we share. The gem that is our love will grow more beautiful and perfect as time goes on.”

The Pronouncement: As you, ___ and you, _______, have stated your vows before this audience and exchanged the symbols by which your marriage shall be known, it gives me great pleasure to pronounce you husband and wife.

Optional: Signing of the Marriage License

You may kiss!

Benediction: May your marriage be blessed with all the wonder and delight that you have experienced this day and may be a gem of a relationship through the end of your lives. May the Lord bless you and keep you, may he make his face to shine upon you and give you peace.

Recessional:

Receiving Line

Copyright 2007 by Samm J. Bogner

How to Choose a Wedding Officiant

You're getting married. Congratulations! This is a big step forward in your life and you want your day to reflect who the two of you are as a couple and the feelings that you have for each other. Right? You don't want your officiant/minister/celebrant/preacher telling you what "should" be said. This is about the two of you--what you want and feel.

So number one on your list of questions to ask an officiant, is, "Do we get to choose what will be said, how long the ceremony is, what rituatls will be included, etc?" If your officiant is worth her salt (or his) the answer will be ABSOLUTELY! He or she should be flexible when it comes to what you want in your ceremony, how long it should be, what is included--which should be what you want and nothing you don't want. By all means, listen to the suggestions that he or she makes, but the final decision is yours.